Ok, so yesterday I had a weird experience. There is this girl named Mako that's in my program in the year below me. She is a harsher sort of person... the kind that just says what's in her mind without any thought given to phrasing or courtesy.

It isn't that I think she goes out of her way to be rude, I think it's a social armour she wears. I met her with Caitlin years ago at anime north.

Anyhow, she has a diary and she reads Cait's diary and mine too but only very sparingly. I'm not too bothered. I can read hers anytime as well, so who cares.

However, Cait mentioned in her diary that her and I might be living together. This is true. There is a good chance this will happen. She is pleased, I am pleased so all should be well.

Mako didn't think so. She is aware that I'm living with Brent and that Brent is my boyfriend. So in class she sits down next to me and says, "Can I ask you a question? Not anything about the class, it's a personal question about you." I was taken aback but I was sure that if I said no, it wouldn't stop her so I nodded and she double checked that Brent was in fact my boyfriend and I confirmed it.

She then asks if it's true I want to live with Caitlin after school. I confirm this as well and she jumps in and tells me that it's a big backstab to Brent and other similar things. I kind of blanked out the rest because I was so surprised.

I couldn't think straight for a good half hour. I mean, I know my dary is out here and stuff, but feedback gets left in the guestbook. And when it comes to people I know reading this, I really don't approve of being judged like that.

I mean, what she did was not ok. "Can I ask you a question? What you're doing is wrong."

Now, my stance on Brent and I right now is that since we're students what we're doing is saving some money by living together while we're in school. I don't consider this commonlaw. However, living with Brent after school in Toronto when I have other options and saving money won't be of as great importance.... that is common law.

And common law is a marriage. It's not a full marriage, I mean there are no vows, but it's still marriage. I am not ready for such a large commitment. I want to do other things with my life. I mean already when I want to do other things and see my friends without Brent he feels left behind and thinks that he should be able to go too.

That is not right. That is similar to how a husband would feel. A spouse shouldn't be running off to spend the evening with his or her friends, always leaving the other at home.

I am not a spouse, I am legally a single young woman. I don't want to be accountable to Brent for where I go or what I do.

That to me tells me that I'm not ready for such a commitment. I'm just not. And I don't think anyone has any business telling me that I'm backstabbing. I'm doing what is best for me. My first and foremost priority is to myself. I am the only one who will ever look out for my best interests and if I start looking out for Brent and not myself then I will get lost in the process.

I will not put myself in a position in which I am not comfortable or happy.

Living with a friend will make me happy, living common law at 21 will not. The only thing keeping me ok with this particular arrangement is that it is a student arrangement.

I don't deserve to be criticized for feeling that way.

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