I went to K-Town this weekend just because. There was no real reason for my visit other than I felt I should. I love my family, unconditionally even. But I do not really need to see them very often.

However, my dad's Debby and I got stoned. STONED. Seriously so. It was pretty fun. I don't usually have good luck with pot but I sure did this time.

And I saw my Aunt Mary. She's a fun woman. She took me out to lunch and we had a nice long talk.

Really though, I was happy to get away. I wanted to leave the city for a bit. And I wanted to leave Ross too. I needed to. I wanted him to have a couple days without me so he could miss me. I wanted to have a change of routine. And it felt good.

I had a talk with Ross about the Dominican. I made the trip plans when I thought I knew what my financial situation would be. I was going to continue paying him the same rent I pay now. So, basically little would change. Now I need to pay first and last month's rent, buy new furniture and that will be added to my moving costs and the misc. costs that always come with moving into a brand new place.

The long and short of it is, I could no longer afford to pay him back. I went over it in my head a lot and I realized that if I don't have the $1,100 at my disposal, I am going to be entirely into my inheritance. There is not a massive amount left and it was intended for my future, like a house downpayment.

So, I said it would take a lot longer for me to pay him back but not knowing how long it will take to accumulate furniture enough to live with, I wasn't sure when I could start.

I had agonized over this. His response? "Is that all?" Oy vey. He said he wasn't concerned. I could pay him back whenever or better yet, not not at all.

This went against my programing. And I argued I would pay him back though I knew well the odds were no longer that great. I would be living on much less money with my new rent and all my bills.

So I said, you choose. He said, "Done." I now no longer owe him the money.

I can only justify it in my mind and live with myself by remembering that he was actually the one who changed my financial situation... though still a part of me cringes to think that I suggested a trip, went on that trip and have now left it for my boyfriend to pay.

He says that the money doesn't matter to him and that I need it and should be spending it on furniture and not on paying him back. Why then isn't it easier?

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