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| Fuck Soul Mates 2006, March 31 - 5:52 p.m.
Fuck soul mates. Fuck the idea, the concept and all of it. You know what I realized today? Believing in soul mates makes me unhappy. Contemplating "Who I'm supposed to be with," is crap. This easy relationship you're supposed to have if you're with your soul mate is nonsense. I don't buy into this idea that if you're with your soul mate it all just clicks and you're like one soul, or being or whatever. Every relationship is different and everyone wants/needs different things. You also can't figure out how happy you are or should be by judging your relationship by other people's standards or comparing your love life to other people's. Fighting is healthy, disagreements are natural and conflict is inevitable. It's the way you handle all of them that determines how good the relationship is because you can't get around any of those things, not in the long term. And frankly, my number one philosphy in life is that anything worthwhile in life takes hard work. If you want to be a great artist, you have to work for it. If you want to get in shape, you got to work for it. If you want to be a good parent, oh, you really got to work on that every day. A relationship that's healthy and fulfilling for both parties? Uh, that's supposed to just fall into place? No. When two people fall in love, that is a special thing. They come together to meet the other's needs. It involves effort, sacrifice, acceptance and understanding. In the process they grow towards each other. That is what I want. That is what Ross and I are working towards. I was really upset the other night and he asked, "What needs to change for you to feel better?" That question in itself was part of what I needed. I think about it now and it gives me a warm and loved feeling. I am with someone who is here with me in this relationship, really here with me. I am with an incredible person who I love and admire so much. I am with someone I would follow anywhere. I am so blessed. I never use that word but there it is. I'm blessed. And I am never again going to bring thoughts as toxic as the notion of soul mates into my relationship ever again. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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