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| Cuddles 2006, January 23 - 3:45 p.m.
Well, I'm back from my vacation. I'm happy to be home but a part of me really, really wants to be back where it's warm, breezy and ucomplicated. I would get up, eat, get some sun, read, drink, eat and watch a live show. Maybe nap. Or take some walks. Now I have work ahead of me tomorrow and for a long time. I am having serious doubts of whether or not I'll be able to find another job. A job I can get excited about. And I'm 23 years old. I shouldn't be thinking this way. But I am. Ross and I had this big talk today about affection. Something has been plaguing me. Something that seems deceptively small and unimportant but isn't at all. Back when we spent all our time here we touched and kissed more. We spent time cuddling on the couch. We don't do that at his place. He stays in his chair behind the couch and instead of us holding each other and being affectionate while we watch something together we're apart. It's been weighing on me that we haven't been as intimate. Our time on the couch was actually a big intimate part of our relationship and something I loved that was no longer there. Weird, isn't it? I didn't clearly realize the implications of not cuddling on the couch anymore, but we've had less sex. I know they're connected because I always felt more like having it after we watched TV or a movie together because we had been touchy feely the whole time. Remove the cuddling from the equation and I'm not so interested at the end of a show. It was like watching it alone, almost. So yeah... hopefully there will be some changes there. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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