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| Not Shy 2006, March 27 - 11:28 a.m.
I went out drinking in K-town on Saturday night. I had a really great time. I hung out with Brent and his friends I used to see all the time. It felt so great to just be with people I knew and liked and have fun a la alcohol. I don't really go out drinking here in Toronto. There are a variety of reasons for that. The Toronto bars can be a little intimidating. The cool bars in K-Town are really not that cool and anyone can fit in. And the drinks are cheap. There are so many bars in Toronto and you have to know how to dress for them. I like to be able to just throw on some nice things and go out without worrying what everyone else is wearing. At the bar I ran into a girl I've known for years and years and it was great to see her. I found out Hos dumped Drain and I called her and she met up with me. It was good to see her so happy and minus Drain the Wunder Dummy. All in all it was a much-needed night out. I have a councellor appointment today in the early afternoon. I had to come back home early for it. I like the man I see; he's not difficult to talk to. We're going to talk about my anxiety problems. I'm unsure what can be done about it. I'm willing to go and to try, though. He said we'd talk about how I can meet more people and feel more comfortable. If that is something I can learn to do, that would be really great. I don't think I have a social phobia as much as I am just resistent to talking to people I don't know. I think Ross doesn't understand me so well in that area. He thinks I'm shy. Really shy. I'm not, really. I'm really open and friendly with people who engage me in conversation. If I'm introduced to someone, I feel more comfortable than when I am left to my own devices to talk to him or her. I'm just introverted. I like to feel people out before I really start talking to them. When people talk to me, it speeds up the process and I get comfortable much faster. That isn't shy. Shy is when you are quiet with people who are talking to you. Shy is when you dread people talking to you. That's not how I feel at all. If I am the only new person in a group then I feel it is on them to talk to me and make me feel comfortable. If I am in the group of people who know each other and there is a new person, that is what I do; I talk to them. Ross has mainly seen me interact (or not) with people who are not entirely friendly to outsiders. Recently we met a friend's girlfriend and it was my first time seeing her. She asked me questions, directed comments to me and was generally a very good conversationalist. Or maybe she just had good manners, because that is what a well-mannered person does. And I found her nice and very easy to talk to. I wonder if that gave him a clearer idea of my questionable shyness. I really hate that label. I allowed it to pass for awhile but it's really not accurate. I'm not shy. A little reserved around strangers who don't want to be more than that; I'm a little hard to get to know; I find groups of people I don't know intimidating, especially groups who don't try to include me in conversations. But I don't think any of that is unreasonable. That has been kind of bothering me for awhile. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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