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| Brother Jamie 2002, April 16 - 12:46 a.m.
Hmm.. tomorrow is my anniversary. My one year anniversary of the day I started writing in this diary. Technically it's today because it's passed midnight, but I'll play fair. It's tomorrow. It will also be my brother's birthday. He'll be 17. Crazy. It really is, cause he always seems so young to me and everytime he has a birthday it's just this big reminder he's not so young at all. He's in grade 11 and because of the new Ontario education system he is a part of, he'll graduate in gr.12 without the option of OAC's. I can't believe he's in his second last year of high school. When I was in grade 11 I knew I had two more years so I felt young. I wonder how he feels about graduating so soon. I'm listening to Cats in the Cradle, a song I always associate with my dad and brother's relationship. It feels so symbolic. I wonder just how much a part of Dad's life Jamie will be once he leaves home for good. Dad never has time for him. Ever. He attempts to buy his love; lunch money, spending money, expensive birthday presents... He doesn't nor ever will do that with me. Is it because he feels I don't need the re-assurance? I know he loves me. I also know he's a screwed up little man. Perhaps Dad knows this and lets it stay at that. Jamie though... I wouldn't blame him if he felt unloved by Dad. I get taken advantage of, financially but Jamie get the shit that flies off the fan. Sometimes I feel worse for Jamie than me for losing Mom. He needs a loving responsible parent in his life right now. He didn't get her at all through his teens. I, at least, had her for awhile. I found that a large part of who I am was shaped when I was in high school. She was there for most of it. Mom died when Jamie started grade nine. And then he was left with Dad. Who knows the repercussions this will have on him later on in life. For my brother's birthday I got him two Garfield books. He unofficially collects them. He loves Garfield. I love Garfield too. I will likely read them both before I give them to him, being the diabolical bastard of a sister that I am. I'm sure he'd understand. Ah, my brother... going through the "I'm an ass-hole, don't talk to me" stage of life. The one who barks at me and tells me I don't really live there anymore. The one who has a short fuse and has poor as heck spending habbits. A 6' boy of few words yet with much to argue about, mostly over anything I have an opinion of. The one who lives with my dad, going through the "I'm older than you, I have a right to be an ass hole" stage of life. The one that barks at me and then tells me to clean the house. The one with a short fuse and poor as heck spending habbits with a special inability to budget. A 5'6 man of many words with too much to argue about, mostly over anything that crosses his path in an unpredictable manner, such as my brother. They make a splended pair. I look forward to my summer. I really do love them; the fools. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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