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| The Bus Ride 2002, August 8 - 9:09 p.m.
My hands and feet are falling to pieces. It's from work. Typing kind of hurts because of newly formed callouses that are flaking away and chipping off of my hands fingertips. I used to have such beautiful hands, I realy did. They're all dry and cracked now and the nails are peeling. I find myself craddling my hands or hiding them throughout the day when I'm not at work. I bought cocca butter hand cream to soften them but... it looks as though it will take rest, disuse and plenty of time before they are near what they were. You see, my hands were one of my small vanities. But I have a more comprimising position. The guys I met on the bus the other day was on the bus again! He talked to me again and he's getting more friendly and a tad more forward. The oppurtunity didn't arise to tell him I have a boyfriend and so it will take at least a third meeting to set things right. I should have said so the first day. I had a bit of an oppurtunity then, when we were talking about college. I could have mentioned that I went to school with Brent but I didn't. It was wrong too. In the back of my mind I wanted to pretend I was single to see what it felt like, to see if I could lure him in. Now I think I may have and there is a damn good chance I'll see him on the bus again. 2 times in 6 days... yeah. The odds are aginst me getting out of this one with dignity. We talked about books today. I had been reading Fall on your Knees when he had got on. Fall on your knees is a great book but certainly not something I would recommend to everyone. It's complex and requires several readings before you truly understand exactly what you have read. The plot is complicated and cannot be fully explain or even partially explain. I was trying, in vain, to explain this to Bus Guy. He was going to boxing and had to get off the bus early (Thank God!) and wanted to know if I would come with him to watch him box or something (Oh no!) I blurted out, "no!" in the way that I do. I do that sometimes and it makes me sound very untactful, I must try not to do that so much, but- it put him off a bit. I had added, "I want to go home!" I don't know what he was thinking. I was in my Days Inn uniform and looked terrible. I was hot and sweaty and last time we talked I had said what a tiring job it was. Even if I was single, I wasn't about to go anywhere. What got me though, is that he made an attempt to touch me. On the shoulder or the arm or something over the bus seat as a good bye. I didn't move, I just stiffened and looked at him. Possibly with scared eyes because if he contines to persue this (me) then I am going to have to tell him I'm unavailable. And that would make things uncomfortable for me when I keep seeing him on the bus. Or I could just keeping leading him on all summer and then suddenly leave. Or I could... I don't know :( Well, I must go and contemplate this. Mike wants online anyhow... Thank You - 2006, June 7
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