There is supposed to be a huge snowfall today in T-minus one hour. No kidding. The dear weather people have predicted the snow to start around noon. We'll see.

I really don't want the snow at all. I've been having large bouts of insomnia that I need to end now. These two things are connected, I promise.

See, I have had problems sleeping since I was 8. I attribute this to the fact my dad watched a scary movie during one of my visits and he liked us to watch TV with him. Mom never let us watch scary stuff and considering how sensitive I am, rightly so. I don't know if this particular movie really was scary or just age inappropriate (Who knows what I would think about it now because I barely remember it) but regardless it wrecked havok on my sleep habits from then on.

I was convinced there were monsters in my closet, to be more specific, the monsters from the scary movie. Lots of kids have that. Most get over it.

Well, I never did. My bedroom closet (the bedroom I had until I was 16) had a weird quirk. It would randomly shake and bang on its own. Maybe it would warp due to moisture or soemthing. I never figured out why it would do that. Anyhow, sometimes at night I would be close to falling alseep (with the bathroom light on) and the closet would bang for no apparent reason, freak me out and I'd lie staring at it for hours. The only other time it would bang like that was if someone was inside. They were the exact same noise. Really, very frightening.

Sometimes I would wake up and realize my mom had gotten up in the night and, in an effort to conserve energy, turned off the much-needed bathroom light. This was a problem. To get to the bathroom to turn on the light again I would have to pass my closet. To turn on my bedroom light I would have to pass my closet. Both the door and the light were right beside said closet.

Nightlights created weird shadows in the room and left the bedroom door/emergency-exit-in-case-of-monsters dark and foreboding. Only the bathroom light made me feel safe. With the bathroom lighting the hall and leaving my bedroom dark but illuminated I was happily unable see shadowy figures walk past my door. Seriously. I also saw claw-like hands gripping the sliding closet door from inside when it was dark and my eyes were adjusted. I would close my eyes tight and open them again and they would still be there.

I've seen ghosts since I was 5. Only scary or threatening ones since I was around 7. Either my imagination is really amazing and cruel or I have a legitimate supernatural problem.

Over the years I avoided scary movies until I was about 15 or 16. I should have kept up with that practice but I'm curious and my dad wanted t watch The Excorsist with me. My mom was was mad. Then trying to get sleep became a nightmare (like I worked in that cliche pun?) Sleeping with my back to the room has always been the most comfortable way for me to sleep but that was not possible. I always felt like there was someone right behind me, staring, something scary like the Excorcist girl.

Strange bedrooms are always easier to sleep in somehow. My mom's room was great to sleep in (When it was empty. My mom was a noisy sleeper). It could be dark, the closet could be open, no problem. Strange rooms feel empty and ghost. But once I get used to a place, once it's my room, it's always the same thing again and again.

Only when Ross is with me do I feel safe. The lights are out, my back is to the room and he's cuddling in to me and I feel safe. Nothing bad can happen to me when he's there. I've had the best sleep of my life since I met him.

He's been at his dad's for days because he's gotten his wisdom teeth out. He should have been back yesterday but he had two sips of water on the scheduled surgery day and they wouldn't put him under. He got them out the next day, which was yesterday, and was planning to come back today. He's feeling fine and this should not be a problem.

Well, now there is going to be a snow storm. The highway is not exactly going to offer good driving conditions and he needs new tires to boot.

Ugh... another night of poor sleep. I've been spoiled by good sleep these days. He goes away from time to time and I manage. I sleep with a cat in the room so it can alert me to supernatural presences. I did that while he was in Europe the second time, in May thsi year. This method is easier when it's hot and we run the air conditioning at night. The whirr of the vents block out the sound of my cat's annoying wheezing problem. That's what happened while he was in Europe the first time, August of last year, and I had just started to get used to good sleep.

I have slept with various lights on in the apartment but it's too bright with the door open and too dark with it closed. Plus it makes me feel bad to use up that kind of energy now that I'm paying for it and more environmentally aware.

Last night I turned off the energy saver on my computer and slept with the computer screen on. That wasn't so bad, except I still felt guilty about wasting energy. And I still couldn't sleep with my back to the room.

I've gotten under 10 hours of sleep in three nights. And I'm okay, physically. I've had caffeine and I'm awake. But I feel like I'm riding on fumes, like I could crash any moment.

So far the only good sleep I've ever found has bee with Ross beside me. Sleeping next to people has always been good, but with Ross is the best sleep of my life. I want it back!

Stupid, god-forsaken snow.

See, I said they were connected.

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