And the new year is here. God, 2006. Why does the new year always feel so impossible? It's always a little startling, this passage of time. I mean, January 1st comes and goes. Monday, Thursday, 6:00 pm... they all come back. 2005 is gone forever. It's done. Whatever happened happened and there's no going back for more.

So what will 2006 have in store? There is a Dominican Republic trip ahead of Ross and me in two weeks. We're seeing Cirque du Soleil in February. Frankly, other than that I haven't a clue. Every time I make predictions about the year I'm wrong.

What's happened in 2005? What did I learn? This is my yearly ritual. Let's see...

I went to Vancouver twice.
I had revelations about my grief while Ross was away
I began tai chi lessons
I joined the bone marrow donor list
Ross and I had our first year anniversary
I had appendicitis.
Ross moved to Toronto
I had a colonoscopy and I was diagnosed wtih IBS
Poppie died
Jamie started college
I entered a writing competition
Shaun died
I applied for university courses
I turned 23 years old.

What have I learned...? This is actually pretty difficult, though I know I have learned plenty.

1. I'm more anxious than I had ever realized. Not exactly great but it's better to have improved self-awareness.

2. I need to be more out-going/social. I don't need to change who I am but I need to try harder.

3. I can be more social if I do try. I'm capable of it.

4. Traditions really matter to me. I really need familiar and enjoyable things to look forward to. I don't like sudden changes.

5. Nothing is 100% true. When you're arguing with someone, there is no truth, only perceptions.

6. I can sometimes be too impulsive. I need to work on that.

7. I don't have to be right. There is a difference between standing up for myself with dignity and being stubborn and argumentative.

8. Happy people don't necessarily lead exciting lives. I'm only happy when things are calm. But yet I still crave excitement. I need to add to my life.

9. The satisfaction of a paycheque wears off. I need more.

2005 wasn't a great year for me. There's a pretty big contrast between it and 2004. 2006 could be great. It has potential because nothing has happened yet.

I think I'd like to make more friends. I'm not sure how to do that, but I need more people in my life. I'm starting to feel envy when I see groups of girls together having fun. I miss that.

2006: Make more friends, work harder, travel some, get a new job. We'll see.

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Thank You - 2006, June 7
The end - 2006, June 4
Canada Loves Me - 2006, May 31
In and Out - 2006, May 28
Where Have I Been? - 2006, May 25