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| Happy Birthday 2002, January 29 - 1:14 a.m.
I keep finding these fun little tests all over people's diaries. Keep 'em coming I say. It's late. I should be in bed. Tomorrow is my mom's birthday. If she were still alive it would be my first time being away on her birthday. She's been away and now I'm away as well. We're both gone. Not in the same place though. I really miss her. Sometimes it hurts so much. I cry about her a lot; enough anyway to be healthy about it. I usually cry at night. The pain hasn't really gone away, I just know how to deal with it better is all. Everytime she misses a milestone in my life it gets a little bit harder. She missed my acceptance into Sheridan, she missed my graduation, she will never meet Brent, she will never see me get married, be it to Brent or otherwise. She will never hold my children. She wont see me make something of myself. I almost feel like I'm missing her birthday. I wish I could express this, I wish I could jsut tell all of you who are reading this or who care how hard it is to want to hug your mother and know that you never can again. I'm so sick of missing her, I want to have her back. Why did my mom have to die? Why not someone else's, anyone else's? It's not fair. She shouldn't be dead. She's my mom. She should be here with me. It's a funny thing when a parent dies. Despite logic, despite common sense, you somehow expect that she will come back. And she doesn't. And then you come to the conclusion for the hundredth time while sitting alone at your computer, that she never will. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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