 |
||
| Grade F Parenting 2002, February 17 - 2:41 p.m.
I am typing this entry out on word first. I know I make a lot of typos and I�m going to make a conscious effort to stop. My dad called me today at 1:30. He wanted to complain. He�ll do that at time when Jamie is driving him crazy, though often it�s not really Jamie�s fault as it a short drive. Jamie�s grades are low, really low. In the 50th percentile low. And he�s taking general classes. I know he is smarter then that, much smarter, he�s just unfocused. And he�s living in an unstructured environment. Dad told me that Jamie knows that he has to get good grades or he will not get fed. Does this make sense to anyone? It sounds rather abusive to me. Jamie is 16, almost 17 (I can�t believe it sometimes) and he needs to do things for himself. Like get good grades. He needs to do it because it makes him feel good, because he wants a bright future, not because he�s living in fear of starvation. If you look at the hierarchy of needs, it goes something like 1. Survival (food and shelter) 2. Security and safety. 3. Love and belonging. 4. Respect and knowledge (or something like that 5. Self actualization. If Jamie has to worry about number 1 and 2 can he really focus on bettering himself in school? I don�t think he can. How about number 3? Dad is always kicking him out and calling him lazy. Always telling him to do as he�s told (which may be very well if dad was his employer, but as it is�) He is obviously not feeling loved nor is he feeling a sense of belonging �This is MY house! Follow MY rules or GET OUT!� Who would? There really aren�t any rules in that house other than do as you�re told. Foolishness and bad parenting is what that is. I�m going to have to sit them both down and talk to both of them. I really am just like my mom; but these discussions always worked for me. He, by calling me here, either wanted my approval over his treatment of Jamie or he wanted help. My guess is approval. I did not give it. Jamie is young, he doesn�t understand things the way that dad does. Dad expects so much out of him and yet still thinks that Jamie should do as he�s told. I think it�s a control issue, a very insane control issue at that. Jamie needs to get his act together and work harder at school, dad needs to understand that Jamie is a person and needs to feel good about himself before he can do this. Dad also doesn�t understand that is poor treatment of Jamie leads Jamie to feel bad about himself. Jamie doesn�t understand why dad asks anything of him, Dad doesn�t understand that he has to treat Jamie with respect and love before Jamie can reciprocate. It�s a vicious cycle that all starts with dad not being the parent and the bigger man in the situation. He needs to be loving and respectful towards Jamie and be someone that Jamie would want to please and listen to. But what does he do? He demands respect and punishes Jamie in harsh and unreasonable ways. Who respects someone who is mean and unreasonable? Even if he is your father. Just being the sperm doner doesn�t make you worthy of respect. You have to be there, be a parent, listen, love, care� not just order your child around and demand things. He just doesn�t get it. The only reason I get it is because my mom was good. Very good. She paid attention to our needs. She gave us food and shelter, safety and security, love and belonging. She asked questions about our day. She wanted to know. She helped me with my homework and studying. She looked at all of our tests and always the same question, �Did you try your hardest?� Because that�s all you can expect. We loved her so much and respected her so much that we would always tell her the truth: yes I did or no, I could have done better. She looked for the good in our report cards. Dad looks for the bad. I could have a 85 and he would say, �well the teacher in your other class said that your attendance could be better. What happened here?� I could rant about this all day, I really could. But there will be other days for that. We�ll see when I go home what new devilry is brewing. Because there will be something. There always is. Thank You - 2006, June 7
|
|||