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| Dragon Fly 2002, February 27 - 12:59 a.m.
I don't know if anyone has noticed but I only write once a day now and always past midnight. Why you ask? Because it's difficult to get online any other time and I have to share with the sib. I'm a wee bit behind in Diary God/dess because of this. I'm going to need more reviewers; not just because of my temperary net restrainsts, but there are so many requests. There can only be one posted a day, but at least if they get reviewed more quickly, I'll have a bigger back-up. Plus people wont feel as though they've been forgotten about. I took my dad out to a movie today. It almost didn't happen. He came home in a foul mood and told me he didn't want to go to a movie anymore. He wanted me to take him to the club. And buy him beer? I don't think so. He said we could play some pool. I have played pool before, out of an utter lack of other things to do, never out of enjoyment. I would be paying for this... yeah right. Why should I pay to do something that I don't like? Further more, how ungrateful. I'm taking him to a movie and he's telling me last minute that he wasn't in the mood and that we should go to the club - a place I hate that is full of middle aged drunks. No thanks. He was very offended with me for not wanting to go and for refusing to pay for the outing unless it was a movie. His mood was intolerable and he began snapping at me. I informed him that he didn't have to take his mood out on me. He got even more snippy and I said that because of his bad day, he didn't care about this and that... I said that I was in a great mood until he came home and decided to change my plans. WE were planning to see a movie together since Christmas. I wanted LOTR and he wanted Dragon Fly. I chose the latter to please him and it just wasn't enough. I insisted that he think about other people and he bellowed that it's all he ever does. I reminded him that on my birthday he took me to his club with his friends so that I could drink beer at 12 pm. He certainly wasn't thinking of me then, on my own birthday. It clearly illustrated that we never do anything that I would like to do, anything that I might enjoy. I went to my room to cool off. He called me back and I came to see him and he said sorry. He said we would go to the movie. He did however feel that this was a great enough admission from him to tell me about his current woes. I'm not a thearapist, or a councellor. I'm his kid and thus the worst person he could talk to about financial problems. I need some security, even if it is for the short while I'm home. When he talks like that he makes my world feel like it's falling from under me and caving in. He mutters about it and then tells me he really feels like putting a gun to his head. Thanks Dad. Yeah, the thought of being orphaned is wonderful. He really knows how to mess with your head. Thoughtless really. He never even thought about how a comment like that would affect me. He just wanted to share his pain and misery. He'll tell me how inexperienced with life I am and then make me deal with mind blowing issues that according to him I haven't dealt with. Why does he want to be the pebble in my shoe? I'm sure life will give me plenty of problems, why does he feel like he has to be one of them? He should be a pillar to me, not a worry. The movie we went to was great however. I think it took his mind of things for awhile. He came out in a better mood and was docile when we got in. He is a stewer. He always stews in his own juices until he is unbearable. Everything is a problem when he gets like that. Going out helps calm him but he always spends so much on booze. It's unhealthy; he relies on it. A movie is much healthier. It appeals to your brain and your senses and makes you focus on one thing. Beer numbs your senses so you don't have to think about things you don't want to. I feel good knowing I did one small thing for him. He can be a bastard but he is still my dad. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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