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| Kind Words 2002, March 20 - 1:49 p.m.
From the sounds of it, Dad put the money in my account. Glory, glory be. I am amazed at my own amazement that Dad did as he said he would. I slept in through Imaging Systems today. I came in with less than an hour to go and showed Frank (instructor) my stuff. Once again I must re-do a rendering. Will this project never end? I am going to the wake tomorrow, I've been making plans for it. Brent said he'd go with me so that was good of him. I never thought I would introduce him to my extended family at a wake. However, a wake is a place where everyone comes; people who knew him, people who knew the people who knew him...it's not just about saying goodbye to the body, it's about support and a final gathering with the deceased. Kinda cryptic in a way, but it's how my family does things. Some families don't from what I gather, but both sides of my family do. I've never known that all people don't do this until just a couple years ago. I've been to so many wakes. Too many. I'm not looking forward to seeing my cousins. I know they'll be heartbroken and numb and not really there inside. I'll be speaking to a shell, if I remember correctly. I can hear my dad now telling me to go over there and talk to them. Yeah, that's what you do at wakes, give the person with the loss advice on how to live life without their loved one while the deceased is in the room dead with them, not even cold in the ground yet. Yeah, that's exactly what anyone would want... This brings me back to my mother's death. I am right now, thankful more than anything, to not be Eric or Ryan today. I know exactly how they feel. It's the worst feeling. For a few weeks they will have the urge to tell their dad something and they wont be able to. It will slowly sink in that they'll never see him again. They'll either turn to or away from religion, for consolation or in anger. In a few months it will be the worst because now they've grown used to the new circumstances and they'll see everyone around them with two parents and curse their names. They'll get angry at their mom for not being their dad. They'll have flashbacks of their dad and they'll have to fight back tears in public. There is no way I'll be able to look at them without seeing all of these things. I can't tell them that it stops hurting either, because it doesn't. It just stays with you at all times in the back of your mind and every now and then it comes forward and you feel the way you did at the hospital when you saw them dead for the first time. The only thing I could tell them is that in time you'll lern to deal with your emotions and will be able to resume a normal existance again someday. It will take years. No, I don't think I will say anything to them except that their father was a kind man and that I really liked him. Hearing kind words about a lost parent is all a person can stand to hear at such a time. Especially if you're catholic. It re-afirms in your mind that they'll certainly go to Heaven. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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