Well, the image for Diary God/dess isn't working. Heck, I say. I've e-mailed nakedthought, who designed the diary and asked her to send me the image if she could so I could load it onto my own image hoster. *sigh* It looks so ugly right now.

Brent and I had an interesting day. He took me to my doctor appointment and the urologists there informed me that what I just recently had were not kidney stones but were instead some sort of calcium like thing that could no longer be diagnosed. Great. That means I could get them again. They apologized for having wasted my time and that was that.

I don't know how I feel about this.

I had given Brent $5 to pick me up something to eat. He brought me an iced cappuccino that had melted and a chicken salad sandwich that was warm from the sun. It didn't help that I hate chicken salad sandwiches. I had both thrown out and I had him take me to Wendy's to get a more appetizing meal.

We had a swim here in my aunt's pool (which I am growing to love, having never before had the opportunity to swim daily) and Brent was pleased to see I was doing laps. He likes doing active things so when I do them too he is tickled pink. We swam for a half hour or so and then Brent suggested we go out for dinner. I took him to Megalos and after an enjoyable meal we went to his place so I could nap before the drive in.

Yes, we decided to try yet again to make this plan work.

Sleeping in Brent's bed often leads to sex. Today was no exception. However, I once again had to initiate it. I did everything... and then gave him the go-ahead to have sex. I was vaguely aware of some negative feelings in the back of my mind. I ignored them and went upstairs to wait for Brent while he showered. It was raining. Of course it was. Brent came up stairs and was adamant that we still go when the rain stopped I didn't refuse.

We got there and chose to see Minority Report and Unfaithful. Spider-man was playing on a different screen but was accompanied by Scooby-Doo. Neither of us felt it was worth it. I had my own idea that we could just drive over to the Spider-man screen after Minority report was finished. I thought it was the plan.

Nope.

Brent said he had to get up for work tomorrow and couldn't stay late. I felt very tricked. I was under the impression we were staying for two movies and near the end of the first one I was told it wouldn't happen. Brent asked many questions: was I sad, angry, mad, annoyed, disappointed, irritated? He actually does this, he always wants to know just how negatively his actions have made me feel when he knows he's upset me in some manner. I suppose at first I was disappointed. I was annoyed as well. Angry? No.

On the way back he was still asking if I was ok with leaving and I retorted that perhaps one should make sure a person is ok with leaving before one leaves the movie, not after. I then calmly explained to him that we may as well have just gone to a regular theatre because going to the drive in is about the back to back movies. He felt charinged. I felt a little vindicated. He became really upset about it then and pulled over to look for the drive-in tickets so we culd go back. I told him that if leaving was so important in the first place, whether or not we truly experienced the drive-in wasn't going to change anything and that if he needed to get up, he needed to get up.

Yes, I did want to go back but I want to go when we can stay for two movies and not screw ourselves over.

Anyhow, I noticed something I always notice when I'm upset with him. He starts to touch me and say sweet things to me to make me feel better. I was aware then that he never does that when I'm happy, just when he's looking for forgiveness. I recalled the sex we had earlier. I was pretty desperate for some affection...

After some crying I told Brent this and there were apologies and hugs and a car ride around K-town to sort things out. He was affectionate and gentle and admitted that he had been becoming too comfortable. Not always, or often acting on impulses to touch and kiss me. I told him that it makes a person feel like they're being taken for granted.

We made up of course. Usually if I tell him of a problem I have we discuss it and he makes an effort not to do it again. He went in to Tim Horton's to get me a drink and then took me home after an hour of driving around.

The kiss good-bye is what I have been longing for a long time. It was how I am meant to be kissed by him.

I'm seeing him tomorrow. We'll see how he acts.

My cat, Smokey was waiting to be let in. He was waiting to be let in the first time I got back. this time when I got out of the car he made an exaggerated stretch and looked at me pointedly as if to say, "Where have you been?" I love that cat, he has patience, he waits for me and he appreciates the efforts I make on his behalf. Gratitude from a cat is a worthy thing indeed.

Love from Brent is nice as well. I love him too... yeah.

0 comments so far

<< tradition - modern >>

Thank You - 2006, June 7
The end - 2006, June 4
Canada Loves Me - 2006, May 31
In and Out - 2006, May 28
Where Have I Been? - 2006, May 25