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| Leaving it Behind 2002, October 3 - 8:38 a.m.
Exactly 2 months until my 20th birthday. 2o. Cripes, when I was wee I thought 20 was the be all end all of life. 20 was an adult with kids (yeah, well I was just a little gaffer and didn't consider that people didn't get married right at 18.) Anyhow, Thinking about getting older makes me think about getting much older. I will have completely left my teenage years behind. No going back. I was happy to have left childhood for the more glamerous teenage years. Make up, staying out late, high school, part time job so I can have my own money, staying home alone, parties that didn't involve hats and pin the tail... now I'll be trading that in. Not being a teenager means less make-up (because I've finally learned that less is more), a real job (Because I have to pay for rent, bills, groceries, transportation, etc.. and damnit I'm in college so I CAN get a job, a good one.) Staying home alone? Well, how about living alone? I could. Parties no longer consist of getting drunk with people which you don't always know, puking, and lying to mom and pop about it. Now it's about socially drinking, getting to know new people and not having to explain jack to anyone. It's also being old enough in your family's eyes to let you in on the family secrets. Now, you're privy to all the things that have been hidden from you since birth and all the big stuff afterwards. That's what I mourn. A certain level of innocence. Such as thinking that my dad is a good person in the eyes of others. So, it feels good to know that they see what I see, but all the same, he's my dad. And he's hated. And knowing what my mom did as a young woman before I was thought of. A person shouldn't know everything about her mother. And hearing about financial woes and spousal abuse, and abortions and all the things that I never imagined were associated with people I know. I Thank You - 2006, June 7
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