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| The Barbie Perspective 2002, October 9 - 1:11 p.m.
I am really angry right now. I can�t remember the last time I was this angry. I am angry at life in general and I usually don�t feel this way. I am mad at where I live and the people who live there, I am angry with my Dad because he is manipulative. He�s being Mr. Funny dad right now and it always leads up to him asking for something I�m unwilling to give. I�m mad at Barbie Doll too. She said that it was mean of me to make laxative cookies. I had made those cookies to find out who had been stealing my food, ergo I would see who was in desperate need of the bathroom. She went on to tell me that it wasn�t a problem at all and I didn�t know what a real problem was. At least that is what was implied. She said when something �real� happened I�d understand. That is what pissed me off. She barely knows me. My parents separated when I was five and all my life my dad has been a manipulative ass, borrowing money from me even when I was 8. Christmas money disappeared and was never seen again. I was made fun of in high school, I watched my mother die for a year and dealt with receiving charity all through that year. I watched her in the hospital, knowing she would never be coming home. After her death, I was pulled away from my lifelong home and my pets and was forced to live with my alcoholic father in my grandma�s house. Jamie and I pushed Dad to move back to our old neighborhood and a year later he did. Then Grandma died and he blamed us for making him move away from her and causing her worry (Worry that eventually gave her strokes and killed her.) He tried and tried to disown us whenever we displeased him, he demanded portions of my inheritance because I was costing him too much money and when I said no he would kick me out. Bottom line? I know problems, I understand what is important and people stealing my food is important to me. I am on an extremely tight budget because my dad borrowed and stole away thousands from me and an entire portion of my inheritance that was reserved for this year is gone. Thus I am quite poor right now and when people are stealing my food, then I am paying more for less, something that I cannot afford. I am paying for bread I didn�t eat, coke I didn�t drink, milk I don�t drink and various other tidbits that are making life more expensive for me. Am I to explain all of this to her? I am so angry with her, so angry� This isn�t all; she seems to be almost trying to anger me. I am positive she doesn�t like me. Why can�t she just� I don�t know, not try to lock horns with me? I need to yell and rant to someone� I am just eating my anger right now and it feels terrible. I usually just let it loose and let it die. I can feel it making me more angry and this one time, among my new friends, I find I just can�t. I saw Brandy yesterday and it felt so good to talk to a real friend. It just depresses me and angers me more now that I don�t have that rapport with my friends this year. If I can�t be me and I can�t let my anger loose in front of them, are they my friends? I just don�t know. I�m not used to being uncared for by my friends. That is why, I guess, I am questioning whether they are that to me at all. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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