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| A Resolution 2002, December 17 - 12:46 a.m.
As it would seem, my dad and I are hunky dorey for now. I'll be going over there for dinner tomorrow evening. Looks like I'll be spending the night as well. Goody. I'm not looking forward to spending the night but it will be nice to have a quiet dinner, see Jamie and cuddle the kitties. Brent's mom knit me a stocking last year and it has gone missing. I had Brent come over tonight to look for it with me. We went through all of my boxes, which have gorwn very few since I have gone through them so many times. It was neat the way he took a trip through my memory lane. We came across my important outfits and dresses box. It has my mother's wedding dress, my prom dress, semit formal dress, Selphie costume and Ellis costume. Now the sad thing about this is when I tried to wrap the waistband and bow around my waist. It didn't fit. Not even when I sucked it in. I can't imagine a more depressing feeling. Well, I guess I can but it still sucks to have incontravercial proof that I have infact grown thicker around the middle. It's my own damn fault too. I'm not paying attention to the consequences of my actions. Everytime I eat fast food, everytime I eat ice cream, everytime I pass up a healthy alternative for some quick and greasy... How I don't exercise and don't eat fruit or vegetables... Every stinking time when I make a resolution to be healthier and everytime I swear I'll exercise and tone up amounts to nothing because I don't have the willpower to just go out and actually do something. I'm really angry at myself. I used to have a 28 inch stomach in high school. That lasted right through OAC. After my first year in college I gained 2 inches on my waist. I think I have already added another. 28 inches is reasonable, it's healthy, it's attainable. How and why did I let myself get this way? Well, no more! I am angry enough at my body to want to do things to it like deny it delicious fatty foods. I want to punish it for being so unnattractive by forcing it to exercise. I feel so detached from my body right now, just because I am so displeased with it. No more fast food plus daily exercise. No second helpings, no snacking before bed, no more drinks with hidden calories like hot chocolate. Considerably less pop in my diet. More milk, juice and especially water. I'm going to tell my friends at school so they can moniter me. Not Brent though. I don't want the one I love help me do this. I rather he be the one that loves whatever me I put forward. If he was a part of my plan to change the way I look then I wouldn't have the heart to do it. Day 1 of losing 3 inches (in no real determined time yet, we'll see how long it take to lost the first inch) begins tomorrow. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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