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| An Unexpected Visitation 2003, January 27 - 11:25 a.m.
Brent told me the strangest thing and I don't entirely know what I feel about it. His mother sees dead relatives in her dreams and they talk to her. But it would seem that she doesn't only see relatives. She saw my mom. Brent said she told him this after his grandma's funeral a few weeks ago. In the dream, she told Brent's mom that she was happy and to tell me. Brent's mom asked for a sign and when she woke up she cracked open her husband's year book and it opened to a picture of my mother. Brent's dad and my mom had gone to the same school, a year apart from each other. I honestly don't know what I think about this. While I believe the story, I don't know why she told her and not me. And why, I'm happy? I'm happy she's happy, but it never really crossed my mind that she wasn't. Why not, I love you, or I'm proud of you? Not that I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth, exactly, but I feel cheated. Whenever I dream about her, it's miserable and sad and she's always trying to leave me. Why couldn't I have the dream? Why not me? Brent suggested that maybe you have to be able to have dreams like that, like his mom. But I see apparitions at night all the time. They scare the bejesus out of me. They're creepy and they just stare at me and poke around my room. There is nothing plesant about them and only once have I ever seen anyone I know. Nothing about it is as nice as what Brent's mom has. I got the short end of the supernatural stick. Though I wonder sometimes... When you're dead, time and space should hold no meaning, right? It's the beginning of eternity for you but eternity has no beginning or no end. So a soul could in theory travel back in time. I wonder because when I was five I got my first apparition. At the end of my bed I had a toy high chair in in that chair when I woke up in the dead of night was a small, serene version of my mother. I can't remember if she said, "Hi, Jenn." but it seems vaguely familiar. I crawled towards her and was not afraid but she faded out of sight. I crawled back to my pillow and waited for her to come back. She didn't. I started seeing other apparitions after that and they have all been scary. But... was that her? Did she come back to me when I was a child to watch me sleep? She looked so happy. I never told my mother about seeing her while she was alive. I'm not sure if I regret that or not. You see, that is why I feel cheated. If I were to see her and talk to her, I would ask, was that you? And I wouldn't need to ask or know anything else. If the answer was yes, it would speak volumes. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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