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| A Pil Decision 2003, February 12 - 6:00 p.m.
Sometimes I wonder how lonely everyone else feels. I'm pretty lonely myself, but today I had a nice talk with a girl from my class. She talked about moving out of home and into an apartment with her boyfriend. She told me she was very happy to talk to someone about it. I always have the impression that everyone is happy and fulfilled in their relationships with their friends. Maybe it's just because I'm not fulfilled. Not currently and not here anyway. My relationship with Brent is a little rocky right now too. We're not fighting per say, we're just irritatble and taking it out on each other. I think it's the school and the money problems that are usually prevalent around this time of year. It's hurting our relationship. And to think... he wants to do four more years of school to be an architect. Four more years. That is a lot of time. There are also other problems... more personal ones. I find I'm completely disinterested in sex. I still think about it and I'm even dreaming about it, but when it's happening I don't want it. I get scared and I panic and I have no idea why. I don't know if this is why, but I'm thinking I want to get off the pill. I'll take the last of my repeats and that's it. By then, I'll have taken them for 5 years. I have an idea that they lower my sex drive. Also, I wasn't a fully developed woman when I started taking them. I want to try life without the pill and let Brent worry about birth control now. I hate having to buy them every month when they're over $20. I hate the hassle, I hate taking them every night. So by the end of October of this year, I'll be finished with them. I think I'll tell Brent tonight. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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