So the saga of the eBay Marmalade Boy has more or less come to a close. He won't send me my stuff without all of this information that I just can't get. So while I was in Toronto covering a glass show for the Sun, I popped into the Chinatown Centre and bought it my damn self.

I now own it and I'm happy. I also plan on leaving negative feedback on the very last day possible, so he'll only see it when it's too late. Such is my revenege.

I also bought a new shirt and dress at this charming little store I had never heard of before. I think it's new. Anyhow, it has this $20 sale. Pretty much everything was $20. So of course I had to get something cute. I also bought this beautiful dress for $25. It is so horribly beautiful that if I can't find an excuse to wear it I will combust.

I'll need to lose a bit of chub to wear it properly, but that will come soon. Such is my confidance in the matter.

I had the most bizarre dream last night. One of the ones that actually mean something. I think it came from a few things. For instance SARS. It's everywhere and a bit of it leaped into my dream. You see it looks like it sucks but it doesn't seem tooooo serious. Also, while I was drawing Cloie, my cartoon character, it looked exactly like Hos, as if I had meant to draw her all along.

Brent was the one who pointed it out. It was uncanny.

And finally my mom. I think about her all the time as it is. It's not so weird to dream about her. It's not so weird either that it's an unpleasant dream.

So it starts that I'm at my old house. My lifelong home, only it's in rough shape. It is being a little neglected. And I'm lonely and kind of sad. So I ride my bike over to Hos's house like the old days to see if she wants to do something. She's inside but she seems different. Not like the Hos of Doom like later high school, or the cynical Hos of post high school or even party Hos of mid high school. She's like this vulnerable, gullable Hos, reminiscent of grade school and early high school.

She's sick with this respitory thing (remember SARS?) only it will keep her dependant and sick all of her life. So in short, our friendship such as I remember it is forever alterred and more or less over. She will no longer be the same person and she seems remarkably fine with it.

So me and another girl (I think it may have been Rock Star or a girl representing her in some way) pretend to fawn over her and she's silly with happiness that we're her friends.

So I walk back home in the dark, as I used to do. Hos is there, her dad protectively in the background making sure she won't die. We're talking about Halloween. People want to come inside my house. My mom is in there. She's sick with cancer and I know she is going to die. I know they can't come in and see her (she was never so feeble in real life, before her death. Really, she was a trooper. Not to mention, never at any time when she was still living at home, did I know she would die.)

So I stop people from going in except for Aunt Debbie who goes in to take care of the house. I see my mom and she is just eating candy after candy. She looks depressed, dejected and lost. She looks like she is just waiting for death to consume her.

So I say I will get her an apple and some milk, in an attempt to get her to eat something healthy, as though it will actually make her healthy. I put away the candies and wake up.

I cried over that dream. But as with all of my dreams of her. They hurt, they're unplesasant but they're the only times I can see her and have her alive.

I must be so desperate to have her back that a dream like that is even welcome.

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