So tomorrow I'll be seeing Rock Star and Caitlin, which will be nice. It's been a while since I've seen Rock Star and beyond longer than that since I've seen Caitlin. I'll finally be able to give her the calendar I got her for Christmas. It will be half useless because the year is half over... but she'll have it anyway. No more giving anyone presents that depreciate in value every single day.

I called a lawyer today. I plan on suing my dad for the $21,500 he owes me. I have no idea how I could have allowed such a thing to happen, though I know the circumstances leading up to such a terrible amount.

He started on me to lend him $10,000 after my mom died and we learned how much my brother and I would inherit from her. Since my parents were legally separated, my dad would not be getting anything. When it was apparent that his mother was going to die, he knew he would be getting his inheritance and wanted it now. So he said that when I turned 18, he wanted to borrow 10,000 to pay off his debts. I was not used to telling him no, I also didn't think that he would go back on his word to pay me back. He was my dad.

All this came around when my dad contested my mother's will. She had decreed that we woud get our money when Jamie turned 21. Dad badgered us for months, threatened us, brainwashed us, essentially. We finally gave in to what we were told was in our best interests. Dad lead us to believe we were poor, though it turns out he was squandering his money on alcohal and other things I don't feel comfortable mentioning.

The money to pay the lawyers to contest the will came out of our inheritance but dad didn't mind. He said it had to be done. The will was changed for us to get our money at the age of 18 and though it was late in coming, it was arranged. As well, money was to be put into accounts for us each month for living expenses and such. It was supposed to be with our Aunt Debbie but Dad changed it to be with him. So each month we got our money and he took it out. It's still unclear if any of it was used on us and our needs. He certainly never bought us clothes, ever. Groceries were often sparse and we weren't allowed to take more than a 5 minute shower because it cost too much.

So my inheritance was settled when I was 18 and he got his $10,000. Aunt Debbie had also put in $5000 in my account for school purposes. Dad took it all out in spurts and told me later. "I needed it, you'll get it back," he would tell me angrily, as though I shouldn't be mad at him for doing such a thing. I never did get it back.

So that is $15,000. Add $300 from a cheque I was supposed to recieve and $500 Dad borrowed for a birthday present for Jamie. There was $200 here and $400 there. I kept count, though I didn't manage to remember what all of it was for. I never got a signed receipt from him either. I think that is seriously going to hurt me. However, I know there will be bank history confirming that at least $15,000 was taken from me. Jamie also witnessed much of this, including the $10,000 deposit.

I pray I will get my money back. It's only right.

When ever I think about him now the song from Three Days Grace come to mind, I hate everything about you. Especially the chorus, I hate everything about you, why do I love you?

Because I do and I desperately wish he could be a normal, loving father. As it is, I don't see him in my future any longer. I don't think he is ever going to acknowledge that he has been irresponsible and hurtful. He has been an abusive, greedy, self serving father and while I want to forgive him, I can't. He isn't sorry. He still thinks he's done right by us.

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Thank You - 2006, June 7
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