Brent and I are moving in together really soon. Very soon. It's making me feel antsy, actually.

I guess I feel kind of scared. Scared of it not working out, scared of being with him all the time, scared of it being the last step towards marrying each other.

I don't know if he's the one. We'll have been together for three years in October but I still don't know if he's it. I'm 20 and here I am living with my boyfriend. Too young maybe? I don't know.

I am the only girl he has ever loved, ever slept with, ever been with! I'm his one and only.

Since ever the world was spinning and til the world shall end, you have your man in the beginning or you have him in the end

But to have him from start to finish and neither to borrow nor lend, is what all the girls are wanting and none the gods can send.

That poem is entirely inaccurate. I don't want Brent from start to finish, I want him to know he wants me and only me because he's looked elsewhere and I'm the one he loves.

I also want to know I love him from experience.

But I don't want to lose him... and I'm moving in with him for eight months. But what about after school?

I want to find myself. I want Brent with me and I don't want him with me. I want to travel, live with friends... date other guys... I find myself thinking about other guys a lot. Just because I'm curious about what is out there.

But being without Brent, just the thought makes me want to cry and take it all back and the thought of him loving someone else hurts. The thought of him bringing someone else sweet surprises, giving someone else cute nicknames hurts.

I could see myself marrying Brent in a few years and being happy; raising children, buying a house, making a life, feeling regret for things I never did...

I won't make any rash decisions now or later. I'll see how this year goes, what my feelings are and I will do what I need to do to make myself happy.

I loathe getting older, I loathe change; even when all that has changed is me.

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