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| 17 hours 2004, September 6 - 12:49 a.m.
My skin has exploded. Well, it exploded a week ago, a couple days before I went on the pill. I saw it coming and I tried to avoid it, but alas, I am crater face! The pill should calm my skin down and I've been taking care of it, masks here, moisturizer there, no make-up at all for a week to leave it alone as much as possible... Ugh. I hate when my skin looks like ass. I was on the pill for five years prior to going off of it last year and for those five years, my skin was glorious. not just my face either, but my whole body was a canvas of perfect skin. Now I have backacne and pizza skin. I can't remember how long it takes for the pill to do it's thang but I hope no longer than a pack. My vain crater face can't wait longer than that! Well, I know it has to if it has to but I don't wanna! Now that m whining is over for the evening, Ross comes home in 17 hours! Whee! I've missed him like no one's business! I can't wait to see his pictures and hear all the stories he'll tell and everything! The first night he spends here after he comes home will be sooo great! I don't know how long it will be between his arrival home and his arrival here, but I can wait. I've waited for three weeks, what's another couple of days? Well, a long time actually! But as with the skin, I'll wait how ever long I'll need to! I've been pondering over telling him I love him. Because I do. I realized I do while he was gone. I really want to tell him but at the same time my gut is telling me not to, and I always listen to my gut. It has only my best interests in mind. I've been trying to figure out why I feel this way and I've come up with a few reasons. One, I don't know if he loves me, yet I have the feeling that if he were to hear it said from me, he'd say it back. I don't want that. I only want to hear it if it's true and not just in the moment or a reflex. I've noticed he tends to shoot back the same compliments I give him. I don't want that to happen with this... Two, if he doesn't give me a reflex I love you and gives nothing at all, I don't know how upset that will make me. I'd rather not find out. So ok, two is because I'm a wuss. Three, I've been more forward than him. I think that it's because when it comes to relationships and dating... he is unsure of himself. I would just love for him to say it first. It would be a bigger deal coming from him. Plus, with having been the one to initiate our first kiss, It would mean so much to me if he would say the words first. I dunno. I really want to tell him how I feel, but I think I would feel much happier if I waited it out. Besides... everytime before now that I thought that maybe I did, I got know him better and then felt stronger. If I wait it out longer... well yeah... *smile* Thank You - 2006, June 7
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