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| The Last Week 2005, September 11 - 11:16 p.m.
Ross and I just had a talk about April, which is when we plan on moving in together. We talked about how we're going to merge our things. It's not going to be an easy process. Unless one party has NO stuff I can't see how it could ever be easy. We mostly talked about my things and when we got on to my stuff from my mom-- the vanity table she gave me before she died, her dining room table and her hutch, I realized just how emotional I get over those things. It was really difficult to even talk about not bringing them. Ross doesn't like the table, for valid reasons mind you. But I still can't give it up. I just can't, not yet. He came up with other alternatives to me bringing the vanity table, such as using the top of his dresser. It was too much and I cried. I hate that. I hate that I cried because I cry too easily. But it just hurt to think about. And it made me feel as though I would have to give up meaningful things I love to stay at his place rather than us merge our belongings and have me live at his place. So we talked about it and I feel better. He has a better idea of where I stand now. I do know that there is only so much we can talk about now and the rest we're going to have to sort out once it happens... But it made me think about my mom a lot and in a painful way. In nine days it will have been six years since she died. I was trying to remember that last week of her life and I couldn't. I can't remember hardly anything of it. I know she was in the hospital and I had started school in the animation program. I know that I visited her every day after school. I know that Jamie and I brought her drinks we thought she would like, other than ensure and water. I remember trying to talk to her one day but I had a cold and wasn't able to get too close. And then the batteries in this moniter she had with her needed changing and the nurses had problems and then I had to go. We never had a chnace to talk again after that. It was, I think, maybe three or four days before she died but I'm not sure. The last time I saw her alive was maybe a day or two before she went. She was asleep. She had been trying to read Memoirs of a Geisha and had made only a little progress. When she died I took the book and read it myself. It's been my copy of that book ever since. Incidently, That is when I began my love affair with geisha. Some years are easier than others. This year looks like it might be hard. This whole year has been a little harder... Thank You - 2006, June 7
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