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| Indentity Fantasy Day 2005, October 27 - 9:29 a.m.
I'm going to a costume party with Caitlin on Friday and I am pretty jazzed about it. I normally don't get too excited about social gatherings where I will not know people, but this is different. There will be costumes! The beauty of costumes is that you don't have to be yourself around strangers or worry about how you come off. You're not you, you're in character. You're a witch or a nurse or a cat or a cow or She-Ra or a robot or something. I am going to be a police officer. A sexy police officer. And that's the other thing. I like showing off my body about as much as I hate showing it off. I love lots of stuff about the way I look and hate equal parts. I enjoy knowing I look hot but I loathe when people look at me if I'm showing some skin. It makes me feel like they're seeing somebody else. It makes me feel uncomfortable, like everyone is going to know that this skimpy person isn't really me and I'm a fraud. It feels good in private but not in public because I'm not a public person and I can't make myself be. Thus, I don't frequently wear sexy clothes. Halloween, though, is a beautiful exception. I'm not me wearing this short skirt, I'm this whole other character. I can feel free and make believe and if someone is looking at me they aren't seeing me, they're seeing something I'm choosing to put out there that is not me and it's all very obvious and expected. And I know some girls have a problem with other girls who dress up in sexual outfits on Halloween but consider that Halloween can be a time to pretend to be something you're not. Or at the very least, a time to try on a part of you that normally doesn't fit or feel comfortable in society. Like wearing tons of face paint or a headdress or a super hero outfit or opposite sex clothing or, in my case, something overtly sexual. Everyone out there wants to try something on for size that doesn't really work with their day to day life. Some people want to be scary or feel like they have to be scary. Others want to pretend they're their favourite cartoon or comic book character. Brent was Homer one year and had a ball. Steph's Fred (Now Ex-Fred) went as Batman, which was a childhood dream fulfilled. Some see it as an opportunity to get creative. Like the guy I saw who dressed up as a bridge and was a "Bridged Virgin." The way I see it, Halloween is so not just about being scary, though I think it's still very relevant. I think it's evolved into "fulfill an identity fantasy" day. And I intend to do just that. And when I'm done, I'm going over to Ross's place and taking it to the next level. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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