So you may or may not have noticed that I have a spiffy new design and that it's a spiffy Wicked Design at that. Getting a custom was great, she really knew what she was doing. No regrets. I had to make a few changes; there is now a contact page with my e-mail, guestbook, notes and slambook. There is also an extras page with my rings and links pages. All this was to keep the links from cluttering up the lovely picture. I made the coloured scrollbar myself just cause I noticed there wasn't one and I figured there was no point in bugging the designer for one when I was perfectly capable of making one myself. Overall, I love it. I think I have a keeper.

I'm also back at home and back at my daily routines. I am actually rather missing home now. Anne-Marie's is wonderful. They had wonderful home cooked meals, they were accomadating, they actually seemed to care about me. I don't expect this to happen when I get home, but for the first time I was treated as a college student when I came home, not as a maid or punching bag. Anne-Marie wanted to feed me and she made me some of her biscuits to take back with me. She waited to see me off before getting ready to leave for a wake. My dad would have just left for a bar with his friends and said, "See you in a couple months!" He didn't today, which was nice but he has skipped out like that before. Today was wonderful. I felt so... good. Just plain good.

Sex was good too. It had been awhile; we're in that comfortable, cuddly stage which has it's benifits, does nothing for the sexual needs I am discovering I have. It's not a... animal like sex drive, it's a need for the physical kind of love. Yes, I associate love with sex; which would be why I waited so long to have it for the first time. It's not something I could have rushed into. Some people separate the two and that's hunkey dorey if your partner feels the same way. I can't do it though. Sex is good within a loving relationship and nothing else for me.

I can be in a relationship without having sex, I can't be in love though without having sex. I also can't have sex without being in love. How could I not associate them together? Basically, we'd not been having it often and I often find myself in a much better and loving mood after it had occured.

I don't think I am a sexual person by nature. I am an emotional person. I don't have sex to have the orgasm, I have sex for the emotional fulfillment I get from it. Brent, I think has it for both. I've never had an orgasm though... I have come close, but then Brent and I were virgins when we came to each other. We're both still learning. He's getting considerably better as time goes on.

It seems to be a popular view that sex is not the way to have emotional fullfiment. To heck with that. It's supposed to be emotional fullfilling. It makes me feel whole. If it made me feel empty I'd be concerned. I feel close to Brent afterwards and calm and comforted and contented and happy. And loved. And loving. Sex in a healthy, stable relationships can only help it grow.

Tonight it was immensely satisfying, without an orgasm.

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