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| The Facts 2003, May 18 - 11:58 p.m.
My Dad's birthday came and went. Many things had happened, including him disowning me because I didn't give him $100 for said birthday. He told me not to come around him anymore. He calls me on his birthday to ask if I was going to see him. I said no, you told me not to come around you anymore. He got off of the phone angrily and I was prompted to write him this e-mail: You may wonder why I didn't come to see you on your birthday. You may feel hurt, rejected, unloved and so forth. Imagine then what it feels like to have your father disown you over a bit of money. Now imagine what it feels like to have that happen several times a year. Or three months after the death of your mother for example. Or during the holidays. Imagine how it feels to hear your own father call your sibling, whom you love and whom you have shared tramatic expereinces with, horrible names. Imagine what it feels like to see your own father act so irresponsibly and callously toward not just another human being but his own son, my counterpart. Now imagine being called all the time, never to say hi, but always with a request, a demand, a guilt trip, a threat. Never to say hi but to dole out stress and worry. Imagine that coming from someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally but yet always puts conditions or dollar signs on love. Imagine having a father who spent his couple of years as your only and primary parent going out with friends and spending more time with them then with you. Imagine having a father who knows so little about you he can't even understand why you're upset. Imagine having a father who doesn't even seem to care or consider that you can become upset. Imagine feeling used. Now compile all of that and put it into a mere few years. Add to it, never being allowed to express yourself as a human being with ideas and feelings without repurcussions of anger, yelling, slamming fists and swear words with eventual eviction from the house. Imagine having a father with so little consideration for your individuality as a person that he will command you to do as he says, not because it makes sense, not because you're a child who doesn't know how to take care of herself. not because it's of foremost importance, but because in his eyes, you are not important enough to be heard. After being disowned over $100, you rejecting a present I picked out with your likes in mind without even seeing it, and being told not to come around you anymore; without an appology you call and are surprised I did not come to see you. Is it so shocking? I have not forgotten anything you have ever said or done to me. I have not forgotten the name calling, the way you have kicked me out over things like eating bread and butter in the living room. I have not forgotten you telling me that the death of my mother was not as important as the death of your own. Surprising, unless you actually wanted your mother to die when she was 50 or when you were 16. I have not forgotten the way you have treated your own son, who needed a strong, compassionate male role model, found an angry irresponsible one and by default, emulated him. Is it so shocking, his behavior towards you? You are not dealing with a robot that malfunctions, you are dealing with a human being who feels slighted. You cannot demand respct. You command it; by your actions, your responsibility towards your obligations. You cannot demand love either. Not even from someone who has tried so hard to love you, even when you make it so difficult with your unpredictable outbursts and unpresidented reactions. I understand that you fixed up Jamie's bike for his birthday and recently told him it was your bike and he couldn't have it. Do you want the same lack of consideration for your birthday? Done and done. To which he replied: when you know all the facts, give me a call. otherwise leave me alone! The facts? I listed the facts. Any other information can only explain his behavior, not excuse it. I doubt he knows the difference. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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