Mars Delight is the best chocolate bar on Earth and you can't get it here! I tried it in the UK, fell in love for life and asked Ross to bring me some back. I had also given one to Ella and Helena and they too appreciated the godliness of Mars Delight.

I have two sitting in front of me. I will eat one today. Maybe eat the other one tomorrow. I'm wondering if I can't somehow call the Mars people and have them ship me some. I mean, it could happen...?

But Ross was here yesterday. He came Tuesday night and spent a wonderful night here with me. It was awesome seeing him again. He also brought me back two shirts and pictures/word collages he drew in Amsterdam. I love them. I really do. I love that he made one for me. It's full of song lyrics. Sweet things. And pictures.

He also let me read his travel diary, as I had let him read mine. I love reading his writing. He adds these little doodles and his hand writing is fun. I got two letters from him on the day he arrived! A little late from the post office, but neat to read while he was here.

I'd classify one of them as a love letter of sorts...I'm tempted to add a smilie but I want to express this in words... I love him. I want to tell him so bad. I need to tell him. It's like this force I'm holding back and when it feel natural and sooo needed to just tell him, I hold it back. I thought I realized I loved him while he was gone, but holding him again... and kissing him and reading thoses letters and everything - I feel it.

And I think back to before I met him and it's not like I was empty before I met him, not at all. I am just full now.

He stayed as late as he could last night. He needed to be home in the morning for a van errand, but while we thought he'd go at five or six am, he left at seven.

It was also the first time I'd seen him naked. I'd been slow about it, wondering if he'd get to it on his own time, but I realized I'd need to ask him, express to him that I wanted to see him.

He's beautiful. His body is much different than say Brent's or anyone else's, but I loved seeing him. And touching him, even though he couldn't feel it, I needed to and we experienced our first sexual difficulties, while attempting for the first time to have sex. I had been warned beforehand several times and it was understandable. And yet, I'm happy about it. It's not just from him and his disability that there were difficulties, it's me too! I have my own...issues that came to light in other areas. And I don't feel frustrated by this.

I antisipate many other similar trial and error and no go times in the future and I look forward to them as much as I do the day we manage to actually have sex. I love that I'm figuring him out, I love that I feel so comfortable around him that just being so close to his body is making love in itself, I love that loving him feels so good.

I have to tell him, I will tell him... I feel like I can only not tell him for so long before I burst.

Love feels differently than I thought it would. Less like the movies, less like TV, more like... being full.

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