I want to be in love. I really do. I spent three and a half years with someone I didn't truly love. It was three and a half years of comfort and happiness, but that's not the same thing.

I want to feel that wonderful feeling when you know that no matter where he's going, you're going with him. I want that can't live without you in my life feeling.

I've been watching Marmalade Boy again (an angsty, addictive and disgustingly cute and romantic anime) and I have a sneaking suspiscion that my lonliness for love has to do with just that. That and my recent break-up and the possibility that I am a tad pre-menstrual.

Plus, well you know... love is good. And I want some.

I'm only 21 and that is sooo young, I know. But I still want to feel it. I want passion for someone, and comfort and happiness and love and security and friendship.

*Sigh* this is exactly why I need to be single right now.

I miss sex. I'm not the sort of person who could have a one night stand (I'm terrified of STDs and other nasty things). I would need a boyfriend for that. Maybe later in life I'll loosen up on the sex, but right now it's such a relationship thing.

I still want it. It was never that satisfying with Brent... well it was because in the technicalities, he was good. We just had no sexual chemistry. But I saw what it could be like in another sense, and now I crave it.

I need to stop watching Marmalade Boy.

Whitney is referring to me as Sex and the City. She was very supportive of my break-up and enthusiastic about me exercising my new options in TO. Is it completely naive to think that I won't meet anyone? Because I really don't think I will.

I think I put out a don't talk to me aura and I'm not sure how to quit that.

But this has just been a massive rambling. Bah.

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