Ross got in late last night and this afternoon we talked about he and Ella living together. I have now made the past two entries private but basically my feelings on it are a bad gut reaction.

And Ross wants the three of us to discuss it all and come to a decision. It's not my decision to make though and I'm not so keen on discussion. They wanted to know how I felt about the idea and I thought it would be really kind of weird for me and I had a bad feeling that came from my gut. That's pretty much all I want to bring to the table. They can take that in to consideration and go from there.

If it winds up happening it would make me feel weird/bad but I would deal with it. I wouldn't have a choice so, yeah, I would just deal with it.

Ross and I discussed living together. I think that he and I need to decide if we're doing that when my lease ends by the end of next April. He'd be getting a place in June/July so our leases wouldn't match up. I'd be ready to move in but he'd still have a roommate for a few more months.

Would Ella leave early? Would such an arrangement work for her? Would he leave early? Would that even be an option since he can't leave Ella in the dust like that?

And so even working with that, when they try and get a place, they would not only need to look for a place that suited them both, but it would need to suit me too if I was going to live there later. For example, I need a place that takes pets and is close to the TTC.

There are a lot of considerations with this. I'm going to try and be open-minded. I can't ignore that bad feeling I'm getting from this idea but if this plan goes ahead I am going to do my best to be positive about it.

I know that they really care about how this will affect me so I am being honest and saying I don't like the idea. But if it happens I'll just have to suck it up and wait it out. There is the chance I'm having a bad gut reaction over nothing. I'm not psychic. I can't know what will happen.

But I am feeling good about living with Ross in a year's time. I can't forsee us not being together. The gut reaction to Ella and Ross living together kind of puts me ill at ease on that front (only slightly) but moreover it puts me ill at ease over my friendship with Ella. It just doesn't feel right.

I guess form here we'll just have to wait and see.

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