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| The Call 2005, May 11 - 5:11 p.m.
I made an appointment for grief councelling. It's through work. I've started the ball rolling. Every bit of anger and depression and anxiety all leads back to the fact I haven't dealt with my grief. I thought I had but no. I only reached the point where I was ready to deal with my grief. I'm fighting off toxic thinking, doubts (of myself and doubts of others), and irrationality all the time. At the very least I can recognize I need help. It took months of avoiding this (even in my own diary), hiding from it, misdirecting it, but I'm ready to get real. This has nothing to do with anybody. This has nothign to do witih my job, my relationship or my friends. It's so easy to channel your fear in to anger and then to channel that anger somewhere else than the real issue. It hurts less that way. But I have to stop doing that. I had a moment of peace today. A real one. It felt good. I want more. I'm going to work at this. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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