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| Jendra Berri's Day Off 2001, April 30 - 2:03 p.m.
I stayed home from school today. It was a half day, I guess, not like it did me any good. I have a co-op I hate. I mean, I really do hate it. It can be fun at times, but it takes away so much from me. I couldn't do track because of it. Track keeps me in shape, whips me into shape more like it. *sigh* I have also missed quite a bit of co-op so now I'll be lucky if I get all the hours I'll need. God, how I hate it. So now I'm stuck here, sick with a sore throat and I have to go to work tonight and there is no getting out of it.
I've been trying to think about when I'm gonna get my bus ticket to Anime North. Maybe the 12th... I did get some things done today, though. I finished an assignment that was due today that I hadn't gotten done over the weekend. I also did a bit of housework. I'm the one who does it around these parts. So now the dishes are cleaned, the kitchen is at least a little presentable and I'll have clean clothes and towels for tomorrow. I don't know how I'll ever be a mother. I don't think I'll ever be able to do it. I clean and keep track of everything as it is... and I hate it. Sometimes I just hate my life so much. The thought of doing it again later on is horrifying. I've been almost forced to grow up these past couple years. I remember the girl I was and I shake my head; she's not me. I became a woman when my mother died. It's true... I did. I assumed many responsibilites that were foreign to me. I became aware of all the work that was involved in just living life. I have become more aware that my actions have consequences. It's weird to say that because don't you learn that early in life? But now I really know. I look back on my life with my mother and I'm seeing all these times that I could have been better. To her, to others, to myself. I could have been more grown up. I look at myself now and I am more resolved not to be so ambivilant towards my choices. I wish my mom could see me now. For the first time I really want her to see what I am. I want her to see that I've become a woman. I want to show her I'm comfortable with myself. I want to tell her I like who I am. I would give anything for the chance to thank her. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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