Hey...

So I have a new computer now and it's driving me crazy. I can't seem to make things work, or do things that I should be able to do with this thing. It's very frustrating. I almost feel like crying over this. *sigh* I've had a very trying day. That is, yesterday I had a very trying day.

I guess it started when this grade nine on my bus made fun of me. A grade nine. Well, anyway, there was a comment made about my feet being duck-like, and for six years I have been called a duck, just cause I'm bow legged. Like I can help that. Anyway, turns out he was reffering to my shoes. I had gotten emotional and had yelled that I wasn't going through it again and six years was long enough. It was all over nothing and I had cried in front of my bus stop.

When I got to school, a close friend of mine Rock Star kept glaring at me and being really rude and hostile. I hadn't the slightest idea where it came from. She gets like that sometimes, but usually I can tell why. My other close friend came to school and she wasn't hostile, but I had the feeling she knew what was on the other one's mind. It wasn't shaping up to be a a very nice day.

A friend in grade 12, whose lap I usually sleep on in the morning, mentioned that it was salon day in her cosmetology class so I skipped first to get my hair done. Rock Star seemed even more irritated that I would skip first period and not spend it with her and my other close friend, but after a while it didn't seem like a big issue and we agreed to meet later outside.

I got my hair done by my friend in grade 12 and heard some of the details of her recent breakup. Her bf had dumped her but she's strong and seems to be taking it as well as one would think. They had been together for two years.

I left the cosmetology room with french braids down the sides of my head. I kinda liked them. They brought out the child in me.

My friend Hos was done school early and her bf came to pick her up. I admit, I embarrassed her. I can be a jerk sometimes. But the way I figure, if they're really in so much love, my stories about her wouldn't change the way he feels. Brent can hear all the stories about me in the world and I would be embarrassed, but I'd be okay with it.

After Hos left, I was left with my Catholic friend and my Wiccan friend (we go to a Catholic school, yes, but she is the most Catholic out of all of us. The Wiccan friend is also the close friend who did not seem irritiated) on the hill. People came and people left and then Rock Star was outside with me. She was wearing a rock star shirt (she always says "sexy rockstar", thus the reason for referring to her as my rockstar friend). I suddenly realized how out of the loop I was in the scheme of things. I knew nothing about everyone. I said out loud that I lost track with everyone this week, Rock Star said, "This week? Try this century." I was coming closer to the problem. She would get up, moving to the other side of the hill for apparently no reason. It hurt my feelings. I really had little idea of what was going on.

Wicca came back a little after Rock Star had left and I asked her if I had been distant lately. I knew I had, I guess... She said yeah, kinda. I knew then that the two of them had talked about it amoungst each other. She mentioned that I spent all my time with Brent. That was half true. On average I see him two times a week. Last week I saw him 4four days in a row over the weekend. I sighed. What do they want from me? Wicca said I looked like I had other things on my mind and that was fine, and that it was okay to focus on myself. I have been self centred lately? I suppose I may have been. I have been thinking about my inheritance and how a portion of it has been borrowed and how it really bothers me and how I can't tell my friends about it because it's a crass thing to talk about...

I've been feeling very down and alone lately. I haven't exactly been calling anyone or making plans. I have with Brent but only because he calls me and tries to make plans.

Onto the rest of the day. My supervisor gave the impression that she thought I was being slow and lazy, I wound up missing the bus to the Cat Centre, I nearly started bawling on the bus, I got caught cutting through my neighbour's lawn and I'm not even the one who is always doing that.

Brent came over and I immediately got a headache. I took a Tylenol 3 and fell asleep on him.

I need a good day today, I really do.

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