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| This is How you Remind Me 2001, November 26 - 12:30 a.m.
So I got an e-mail from my dad. It's Italian Uncle john. The poor man! It is confirmed now, that he has less then a month to live :( His brain is functioning normally and he knows he is going to die. He is being kept comfortable with morphine and anti-biotics. I feel absolutely horribly for him and his family. He doesn't want to die, no one wants him to die... He's a really nice man. This all reminds me too well of when that was my life. When my mom was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it...everyone had sympathy but I knew everyone's main feeling was: "I'm glad it's not me. I'm glad it's not my parent." Not that I blamed them. I'm feeling it now, even. "I'm glad it's not me. I'm glad I've already gotten it over with. I'm glad I've learned how to cope." I want to be there for my cousins, Eric and Ryan, but I don't know how. It reminds me so much of when it was me. I, after all I've been through in this field, don't know what to say. I have so many things I could say, but I don't know what I should say... The wake will be sometime in the near future. I am selfish enough to hope it won't be during my birthday celebrations. I am a bastard, honestly. I just don't want to think about it. I know how it feels and I don't want to feel that. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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