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| We all Had our Reasons to be There 2001, December 10 - 3:13 a.m.
My sleeping pattern is still not right. I don't think it will be until maybe Wednesday. I have to get tomorrow at 10:00, so that will do something and then at 8:00 on Tuesday. By Wednesday I think I should be back to normal. Of course, next week all that won't matter at all because I will be on Christmas break for three beautiful weeks with nothing in the world to do but buy presents, visit family and friends and go out drinking with my K-town friends who missed celebrating my b-day with me. It will be glorious. God almighty, it's 3:15 am. *sigh* Why do I allow these sort of stupid things to happen to me? Brent and I watched a documentary on Jesus. No, I'm not kidding. And it was he who wanted to. It doesn't overly surprise me. He really likes documentaries and Jesus is a highly interesting and still debatable historical figure. Since he isn't a Christian he can look at Jesus like a historian. He, in short, doesn't have faith. That's not a bad thing. I love him the way that he is and he loves me the way that I am. We discuss our different beliefs or lack there of and respect each other's views. It works. Sometimes though, I wish he were Catholic. I've grown up with Catholics, the vast majority of them have been Catholic. But it doesn't make me love him less, I guess I just feel that he doesn't fully understand my beliefs. I guess I don't understand his to the fullest either. When he talk about things such as how science has proven how so many 'wonders' have really happened, take Moses' plagues for example, it merely makes the story seem more credible to him. More like history makes sense. To me... it's different. I see the plagues not as things that were explained away, but further evidence of God. The fact that all of those things happened in that order in that most convenient of times? If the whole world was created by him, in a manner of evolution over countless of millions of years, then wouldn't he be a master of manipulating his world in the way that he created it? He, to me, has a way of making things work. That is science. If he created the world, then he must of created the science of it as well. It's really no wonder to me that he could create such natural plagues. That is the difference between Brent and I. I have faith, he does not. Faith can't be found in science, and if it's real faith it can't be lost in science either. Faith is when you feel that it's right, rather then the need to know that it's right. Faith means it's right to me. And it is. And that is what I wish Brent could understand about me. I have the feeling he sees me as being a little blind to what I believe. I take in all the hard facts that science has given me and I don't dispute it, I just see it as someone who has faith. I see all explained 'miracles' in our world as acts of God. He's the one who made such an explainable world. It's like a puzzle for us to figure out. But enough on that... I realized I don't often speak of my religious beliefs. I've gotten used to not talking about them in public. I learned that at KC. KC was the first and only public school I have ever gone to. I went for a semester in grade 12 for an animation program. It seemed that everything was ok, belief wise. Any (or no religion, which was extremely popular) religion was acceptable, just no one could bring it into the classroom. There were no decorations at the holidays, there was no discussion of different beliefs during class. But among your peers it was tolerable. Anything seemed alright, except for being Christian. A lot of people seemed to have issues with the Catholic church and by that turn, me. We all said what school we went to and I had said Regi. They all knew I was Catholic then. It wasn't like I denied it either. I didn't think it would be a big deal. It was. People had no problem putting down the church in front of me. Heaven forbid they should put down religions of other natures, but Catholicism was okay to bash. It really hurt me. One girl in my class went on about how other religion's customs were fine, no matter how bizarre other people may see them but then she spent an hour telling me what a bad person I was and how bad the church was. The hypocrisy. I did my best never to bring religion up, but somehow it always did. Common knowledge I think, is that Catholics believe in Heaven and Hell. This one guy in my class went out of his way to say this to me: "When you die, that's it, you're dead. You're nothing." A fine thing to say to me. Even nicer that my mother had died only a month previous to that. Especially nice that he knew it too. I believe her soul is in Heaven with other loved ones. Is that so bad? Did he really need to stomp on my beliefs that much? My final impression on public schools is that they aren't really all that accepting at all. Catholic schools aren't a haven or anything, but at least you're allowed to express something. I wouldn't think it would do any good to a non Catholic but then why would a non Catholic expect anything different if s/he chose a Catholic school? When I got back to Regi I felt a bit better. I could pray before taking a test. In fact there was a public prayer before all exams. Everyone participated (We all needed every bit of help we could get.) When a student lost a loved one there was a prayer on their behalf and everyone was told about when the wake/funeral service/funeral mass would be so that people could attend. There was no swearing permitted within the walls of Regi (people did it anyway, but I noticed it was significantly less frequent in Regi than KC.) There was a dress code that prevailed even on non uniform days. Nothing that could be offensive was allowed to be worn. There was a mass every month and confession every so often which really helped me a lot. There was a school priest and chaplain to help with students spiritually. Basically though I didn't always feel like it, Regi was a community. I was welcomed there and I belonged. I'm not saying that everyone should go to a Catholic school. No, it's not for everyone. I just think it's a shame that other students who aren't Catholic have no choice but a public school. They are truly very spiritually devoid places. It's a very satisfying feeling to be in an educational environment that stimulates your beliefs. Too bad other children with non-Catholic beliefs have no such place to go to. I can't imagine it's all that healthy to have to partially squash your beliefs for the sake of the general public. But anyway. It's 4:00 am. Perhaps now I'll sleep and in the morning maybe I won't be making such controversial entries. Good night Thank You - 2006, June 7
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