Another night in my own house. Things are slowly starting to look up.

Thus far, no one has made any attempt to do anything for Christmas. The tree has just been sitting in its box in the living room for days. Dad had demanded that it be set up by the time he got home. Of course that was a selfish request. That sort of thing is a family event. Plus neither Jamie nor I had ever set up an artificial tree before. Anyhow, the thing has just sat there.

This morning I set it up.

It wasn't very fun.

I made many mistakes and I didn't know which end was up and it took me forever just to figure out how to make the damn stand sit up but I got it. Putting the lights on was a real bitch. The lights that were with the tree made no sense. I couldn't figure out how to wrap them around the tree because they branched off all over the place. So I figured screw it, and I brought up the more familiar lights. I put on the decorations, which are really ugly. There are only 3 different colours, all of them came from Zellers two years ago and were bought because they were the cheapest ones. There is nothing wrong with decorations like that, but a tree needs some variety and nice ornaments to look good. The tree, quite honestly looks pretty bare. I wish I knew what had happened to my own personal ornaments during the move. I had about 18. My Aunt Terry would give me one every year because of my near-Christmas birthday. It was a tradition that was discontinued a couple years ago. Others were from various other people who had given me ornaments for my birthday. I really wish I still had them. I wonder where they went..

So now the tree is up. Next I found all four Christmas decorations that we have and put them where I could. Three were candles and one was a wreath. *sigh* I did what I could.

Next I decided to wash the kitchen floor. It hadn't been washed since I left. I swept then grabbed the mop from the corner. The mop stuck to the floor and I had to rip it off. There is a small piece of mop glued to the floor now and I'll be damned if I'm going to scrape it off. Then I did the bathroom floor. I washed the corners with a washcloth and was horrifed to see all the dust and grime that had been on the floor all these months. I removed the bathroom mats (which also stuck, but thankfully did not leave bits glued to the floor) and mopped it. I think I earned the two cupcakes I ate this morning.

So now I'm here on the net still feeling rather hurt. My family didn't do anything for my birthday. I really thought that when I got back I'd have a birthday present and perhaps maybe they'd take me out for dinner. Nope. They did squat. They didn't even give me a card. The most my dad tried to do was take me to this small bar that only middle aged people go to so I could drink with people I didn't even know at noon. No thanks dad. He spent 20 dollars worth of beer that day and yet he somehow couldn't afford to buy me a present. He also claims that he didn't have time. He could have used that twenty dollars and the time that day (about 3 hours) to buy me something. But he didn't. At one of the bars he took me to, I lent him more money to buy me dinner. I said he could consider it my birthday dinner because I had the feeling he wouldn't be doing anything else. When he paid me back yesterday he didn't reimberse me for the meal. I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt by all this. For my birthday I recieved the following:

-Laura Secord chocolate from Brent

-A mint ice cream cake from Brent

-a pair of sock and card from Brent's parents

-a dream book from Cait

-A drink from Steph and a drink from Brandy

Happy Birthday me. To the people who gave a damn on my birthday I thank them. Maybe I shouldn't get so worked up, but it really hurts me that my own family did nothing. I don't mind that some of my friends didn't because they're students. They can just buy me a drink when we go out. That's great with me. But when my own dad tries to do it? In a bar full of middle aged men drinking all day? I don't think so.

My brother got a $500 5 disc CD player for his birthday. I lent Dad the money to buy it. Then I bought Jamie something on my own. It's nice to know that it means something to them. It's really nice to know I matter. I've seen what other families do for their kids for their 19th birthday. Catholic was given presents and a birthday meal, Wicca the same, Brent the same, and so on. Perhaps I sound like I'm whining but I think I have the right. Why do I make any effort for my family's birthdays if they're not going to make one for mine? They had a while to plan something and it's been two weeks since my birthday. I feel so unimportant.

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Thank You - 2006, June 7
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