Christmas around here really wasn't what I had hoped.

I suppose it started on Christmas eve. I had mentioned several times previous to Christmas eve that I would be attending mass in the evening and would not be going to Aunt Mariam's, but would be seeing everyone on Christmas day instead. Dad seemed to think that I didn't mean it and was horribly hostile to us, especially me when I got home around 10:00. This hostility lasted through Christmas Day.

Around 9:30 I got up and asked dad if we should open our presents now, he said he didn't care. I took that as a yes. I got Jamie and we came up and opened the gifts. They weren't bad. I could have really used some clothes, but what I got was nice. I got some perfume (that I don't need or want at all but it's the thought that counts) a pair of slippers (that I really did want), a Brita Water filter (That I really needed for when I go back to my apartment), an oil paint set (very nice, I think I may be doing some painting in the summer) and this electronic organizer that I don't want or need but hey, it's kinda neat.

Aunt Debbie liked her present; it was a toll painting with bears that she can hang on her wall. She got me a teddy bear and a sweater. She also gave me my ring. A family heirloom. It was my grandmother's then my mother's and now it's mine. I wish I could have gotten it rightfully decades down the road but...

We went to Brent's place for an hour and a half so that Brent could see his sister and her family before they left for Trenton on Christmas. I had forgotten how sweet children look opening presents. Her daughter is 5 and the twin boys are 2. How sweet they looked. Brent's parents did a lot for me... I was a little overwhelmed. They gave me a pair of pajamas, his sisters gave me candy: Turtles and Werthers, and then his mother gave me a stocking that she knit herself, full of presents ^_^;; Little odds and ends mostly; half of it was candy. I'll be so fat! I appreciated it a lot. My dad doesn't do stockings, really. I gave his parents a box of chocolate. I'm glad I did that much, otherwise I would have felt horrible.

But back to Christmas morning. Jamie liked his present from me, I got him a shirt from West 49. We both got web cams from dad. We both don't know how to work them. I'm sure we'll get the hang of it. I don't know how dad liked his present because he wouldn't open it. He wouldn't open it to spite me. He still hasn't opened it. I won't pretend this doesn't hurt my feelings. He wouldn't go to Aunt Gloria's for Christmas dinner. I had to cover for him all day. "Where's your father?" "Oh, he's feeling just terrible. He really wanted to come." He's bitter because I chose mass over Aunt Mariam's. My plans for including Christ in my Christmas celebration didn't mesh well with his plans for us doing as we were told. He is being a big baby about this. He could have gone to Aunt Mariam's, and he most certainly could have gone to Aunt Gloria's. Things didn't work out the way he wanted them to, so he would have none of it at all.

He's been taking it all out on us. He's been yelling, snipping, commanding and not allowing us to go on the net. He left awhile ago so I seized the oppurtunity when I could. I vowed not to let him ruin my Christmas, but it's been so hard. Jamie and I have stuck together though. We argue and whatnot, but we're a team. *sigh* I wish my mom were alive. She loved Christmas. She always made it fun. I miss her in times like this. I miss all my mothers. They all were great around the holidays. And this is who I get stuck with. The one who drinks and smokes is the one who survives. It really just figures.

But... Brent liked the book I got him and he made me this wonderful bookshelf. It's to hold CD's accordig to him, but I'll do with it what I please. He brought my dad a bottle of wine for Christmas but my dad scorned it (not in front of Brent, thank God) and yeah... my brother gave me a table he made in shop. It's joint birthday and Christmas present. It's quite nice. I like it.

My dad balked at my attending mass. I don't go but twice a year. I know I'm not a proper Catholic, I'm not orthadox, as I put it. I give myself some leanway with the rules. But I don't think it's his or anyone's perogative to tell me how to express my faith. I pray almost everyday, I feel close to God and on the special days, I'll go to his house and celebrate with other catholics. That doesn't make my faith in God any less... I shouldn't have to explain myself to him.

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