So I've been feeling a little masochistic. I've been submitting my diary for reviews again. Every now and then I need feedback. I welcome criticism, particularly if it pushes me forward a bit. Sometimes I get in a writing rut, like doing a laundry list of my day and need a swift kick in the ass to do better.

Sometimes I've just redone a layout and the comments on that are all I care about.

Sometimes I have been pushing myself to write better and really express myself and I want to see how I'm doing in the eyes of others.

Right now? No reason really. I just feel like recieving some outside opinions. I'm not the same person I used to be. It's amazing when I read back on former entries and realize that I have infact aged 3 years not only in number but in maturity. I feel more mature. Mature enough to know I was never so wise to begin with.

Months away from the real world and I know I know nothing. Frightening really.

I was once told I needed to find my writing voice. I wonder if I'm any closer. I feel like I'm on a plateau. And a cliff. Isn't that funny? I feel like nothing is moving, nothing is in sight while I teeter over a cliff. Not in any kind of scary way, only metaphorically and only referring to my stage in life. I know I'm about to transition.

But then change is scary. Putting that thought aside, I want to write about something different. Someone who really did seem to think she was teetering on a real life cliff with a full adoring audience.

This girl's name was Kelly. I won't share her last name because it is unimportant. But this Kelly was out of her gourd. Like, really insane. Only, not insane in the way she thought.

I only knew her for a couple months and only as an acquaintance when she had to come to my house for a school project. We finished quickly and then she decided to tell me her life story. I take issue with people who open up too soon and too eagerly. It puts me off permanently.

She told me about every woe she had and get this - she said she had multiple personality disorder and that her therapist told her she did, even though to the best of my knowledge they don't tell their patients this sort of information, lest they start to actively display symptoms of their disease. She cited instances of her personalities coming out, like a time she was in a car and said "stuffies" instead of stuffed animals. She said this meant she had a child inside of her. No joke.

I mean, she says 'stuffies' and she thinks there is a child inside her? Now, I'm no expert on this disorder but so few people are ever diagnosed with this disorder and a high percentage of people are guessed to be misdiagnosed. Not to mention, I think if she had such a serious condition, it would be pretty apparent to everybody.

Anyhow, she says this type is called a 'little' aka 'wittle.' Yeah, like the way a stupid child would say little. Wittle. She goes online on my computer and goes to this chat room for 'wittles' and types, "awre dere any wittles here?" I shit you not. I mean, do you get to choose when these personalities come out like that? She really didn't seem any different either.

I think she officially blew my mind. I enjoy a good level of weirdness, but this is not just weird, it's bizarre and abnormal. I mean, she only knew me for oh... 6, 7 weeks? And hardly at all even then? She told me about her self injury and wanted to show me proof then she told me about her her rapes and her suicide attempts.

Did I mention we only had known each other for 6 or 7 weeks?

I've know her kind very well now and I know her everytime I meet her again and I stay the hell away. People like that are a dime a dozen. They may not claim to have multiple personality disorder but they may claim alcohalism, sexual abuse (never physical for some reason. Less sexy I guess. forgive me for that, but it's a blatant observation), self injury (quick way to get attention), anoexia/bulemia (because starving yourself to be thin means your a delicate flower above eating. either than or it seems glamorous), drug abuse (glamorous again), abusive boyfriends (possessiveness means your desireable. right), bipolar disorder (because you're complicated) and so forth.

Not that I feel this angry towards people who have these problems but there are so many who don't but advertise that they do!

These people need to bond over misery, imagined misery. Someone who really has these issues does not advertise them. They do not expose themselves for pity points, they do not reveal them for friend making purposes. They do not show off self injury (which quite frankly in a Kelly's case always looks like quantity over quality) or make big productions about how they can't show you 'something' or have to hide their arms. They do not make huge displays about how little they eat and then look around for reactions.

I can spot these attention grabbing, needy, whiny people a mile away. I cut all ties as soon as TMI is revealed too soon. Especially if the TMI is revealed with underlying pride and self indulgent satisfaction.

This Kelly girl was known to say, "So and So is making me want to kill myself!"

Would you believe I've known about five people like this already? They always come out in the teens and either get better or get worse. They are without impulse control, coping skills and self esteem. They are often manipulative by being either incredibly aggressive or passive agressive. They are often way too attached to their friends and have overly dramatic and somewhat scary reactions to social situations they are unhappy with.

I know I will meet more Kellys. I dread it but I am ready for them. The world it a big scary place. If you can't handle even me then maybe you're not long for this world anyway.

The Kellys of the world can bite me.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against people who are only named Kelly. The Kelly mentality is the problem and has no relation to the name Kelly as a whole

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Thank You - 2006, June 7
The end - 2006, June 4
Canada Loves Me - 2006, May 31
In and Out - 2006, May 28
Where Have I Been? - 2006, May 25