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| Prelude 2004, March 21 - 12:12 a.m.
First day of spring. Brent and I had a talk in the car. We saw 50 First Dates, had a good time and then in the car ride home, we had a long, serious talk. I was able to tell him that I was confused about how I felt towards him. It was a very difficult discussion but it felt so good to be honest. I told him I needed time to think but that I wouldn't let it drag out and he'd know where we stood soon. I plan on moving out May 1, which is the weekend. I'll let him know before then. I told him I would always be in his life, no matter what conclusion I came to; that I wasn't confused if I loved him or not, but rather how I loved him. As a boyfriend or the best friend I've ever had. I told him I felt like our relationship was evolving into a friendship. I told him he would be fine, no matter what happened between us. I told him he'd be fine because he was smart, and capable and he would make good decisions and that he would be happy. I told him to tell himself he would be fine and to promise me that he would keep telling himself that he would be fine. He told me he loved me. He asked me not to leave him. I told him I loved him. I told him that girlfriend or friend, I would never leave him. I told him he was my best friend. He told me he was falling apart and he loved me. He told me he would have to start his life over from scratch. I told him that he was strong enough to handle anything. I told him he would be fine and that eventually he would be great and he needed to believe it. We held each other in the car, crying and clinging to one another. He wouldn't let go. I kept telling him he would be fine. He started nodding and agreeing that he would be fine. I promised to always be there for him, no matter what happened to "us." He told me he loved me and we both said good night. I left him, feeling like he would be fine, at least tonight. I sit here now, wondering if he'll be ok tomorrow. My best friend, my bedmate, my roommate, my Brent. I can't bear to watch him cry. He needs to be strong, because if he is, he will be ok. And I won't be ok unless I know he will be. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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