Before I get into my real topic... I will just say a few words as a eulogy to my f***ing computer.

God speed to computer hell you damn bastard! How dare you leave me a month before I have to give my rented laptop back! This is the worst time for you to die on me. I needed you, you ass hole! Even if you crashed on me all the time and didn't recognize certain files.

I'll replace you with a better computer, a mac! Yeah, you heard me. A mac! And it will be prettier too. And more user friendly. And faster! And macs are smarter! And it will take up less space than your fat ass always did.

I'm even selling your friend, the moniter too. Since he will be completely useless to me when I get my mac and he took up far more space than he was worth, he's getting the shaft. You see what your weak, dying ass has done? What kind of a piece of crap only last three years?

The answer? A piece of crap like you!

Amen.

Moving on.

More computer stuff... macs are bloody expensive... But I'm determined. I paid $1600 for the load of crap so I can't complain about paying less than that for a better computer. Just now is a bad time. For some reason, the guy who handles my money is screwing things up. See, he handles Jamie's money too, only with Jamie, he handles all of it. With me, it's just a chunk,

So he has all my bank information and for some reason he can't deposit the money I requested him transfer into my account. This is money I need for first and last for my new apartment and rent here as well. I wasn't planning on this extra month, though I know I have myself to blame. All the same, I though I had things worked out with buddy sending me my money.

But aparently he has called Jamie and according to Jamie, asked him to deal with it. Huh?! I don't think so.

I mean, Buddy, has my number, he has my bank info, what's the deal? I don't want my brother involved with my money!

Especially because he has become so paranoid these days. I am not impressed with the man he is becoming. He's not considerate, he's rude, he's irresponsible. Yes, yes I know he is 18 - almost 19. But still.

Just for example, he has this coffee table in storage and he has an end table at his place. I couldn't take his coffee table for him because I already have a coffee table here. Simple right? There is just no room here for it.

However, with the new place I'm getting with Caitlin, there will be room. Neither of us have a coffee table. I have room for it in May. I call Jamie and tell him this, thinking it will be nice to do my brother a favour and I will have a coffee table out of it. My mother's coffee table at that.

So before I can finish my sentence, Jamie barks, "No!" He goes on with these accusations, "You didn't have room when I needed you to, but you suddenly have room now? Sorry, it doesn't work that way."

Well, yeah, see it does. When one moves, one's situation changes and one may be able to accomodate things one could not have accomodated before.

Then he tried to make it seem like I owed him money for storage. My stuff was taken out in late August. He hasn't paid his bill since September.

I just go a phone call... Dad called. My brother got drunk last night, his friend got in a fight, my brother helped him out and some guy knocked his teeth out with a baseball bat. I am not even exaggerating. He went to emergency and now he's at the dentist having his teeth wired in.

Did I also mention he has two weeks to find somewhere else to live?

It goes against my judgement in some ways, but when Dad called, I told him that (though Jamie asked me not to) and asked if Dad would take him back in.

He didn't apply to college, he's getting in drunken fights, he's not paying his storge bill, he's doing lord knows what the hell else.

He needs a parent. And if Dad is going to move in with his girlfriend Debby, then there is hope for that home to be a nice one. Jamie obviously can't handle living alone. Further, he needs new friends. He needs to go to college, leave town and start over.

I'm so furious with him, I can hardly see straight. I know he's 19, I know boys mature slower than girls, but damnit, if he is at the same maturity level that I was at 17, then it still doesn't make sense. This is the time of life where you start shaping what kind of an adult you're going to become. He's still young, he can still straighten himself out. But he causes me more worry than I can bear sometimes.

I know I can't make him into a more responsible person. I know I can't make his decisions for him and make sure he does ok. He is legally an adult now. Is there any prevailing reason left in that boy's body?

I just can't belive him, I just can't even believe him.

But, that is enough. In other completely unrelated news, I have a supergold account now. This guy I was friends with on Furcadia years ago named Meezo bought it for me. Just out of the blue yesterday. Isn't that a nice gesture? I hadn't heard from him in a while. It's nice to reconnect with people sometimes.

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Thank You - 2006, June 7
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