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| Westbound 2005, January 29 - 4:41 p.m.
Brent e-mailed me the other day. He told me he wasn't angry at me anymore, and though he couldn't be my friend yet, he wanted me to know that he understood I did what I had to do. I thought it was really nice of him to do that. I wondered from time to time if he was still feeling angry at me. I wonder when we'll be friends again. Probably a long time from now. I've decided to go to Vancouver for Easter. I haven't seen my aunt Debbie in almost a year. I miss her and it'll be great to go to Vancouver. Ross said he'll go with me but he'd stay later to visit his uncle. I have mixed feelings about this. See, it feels like going there for Easter is my thing. Something I can do. I mean, he goes and plays hockey and he's planning on going to Holland and he's always doing fun things on his own. I want to do fun things on my own. I would enjoy spending the holiday with him but I kind of want to do this without him. I am hoping Jamie will come too and we can have the experience together. And then Ross said that if he went, he'd stay longer and visit his uncle there. That bothers me... It's hard to articulate why. I think it's because, like I said, this is my thing. If he comes, he'd be making it our thing. If he stays longer, it's his thing. Again. Him seeing his uncle doesn't bug me. That's not it. It's him taking my plans and turning them into a thing of convenience for him. Turning my thing into something for him. Maybe it's selfish and childish, but I want to keep this to myself. I want to be the one who goes off and has fun for once. That's pretty much it. There will be times when I'll go there again and when that happens he can come and meet my aunt. But this first time I want to go without him. I've never been there and he has. I wan tto keep it my trip. I'm just not sure how to explain this to him without hurting his feelings. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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