 |
||
| Failure to communicate 2005, February 15 - 11:22 p.m.
Ross and I had a talk about Valentine's Day. I was feeling hurt and all the unhappy stuff that goes along with the person you love not bothering too much with a special day. It was all resolved. See, he had thought about what the day meant to him and had come to the conclusion that it wasn't a special day and what it meant was spending the day wit the person you love. I said it was nice he had thought about what the day meant to him but that he hadn't given much thought about what the day would mean to me. He sent me flowers at work with the sweetest card. See, for me, Valentine's Day is a day to appreciate being with someone. It's a day to celebrate romance and to go out of your way to make your love feel special. I find the silly bears and card shop crap cheesy, that's the commercial aspect of it. I like thoughtfulness on special days. So we sorted it all out and then went out for dinner. He was supposed to come over tonight but his cousin is down at Ella's. We were about to set back to my place from there but it was raining. For me, it was a mere skip over to the nearby subway station. For him it was a longer wheel to the closest accessible station. He mentioned that he was planning on spending a night there to catch up with his cousin, who he had not seen in a month and a half. I was fine with that, but it struck me that Ross was only going to be here for two more nights, tonight and the next. Since he was planning to go home with me he was going to ask last minute tomorrow if I minded him staying there. I'm glad he said something now because that would have bothered me. Tonight is more convenient and I would hate to lose his last night here, as that night is always important to me. I told him I understood that he wanted to stay and I was fine with it but was disappointed not to spend the night with him. He then said I wasn't allowed to feel that way because he doesn't get to see Christopher that often. Gah! Why, when a problem was just settled does he have to say something like that? I am allowed to feel however I feel. My feelings are valid and in an open, loving relationship I should be able to say whatever I feel. I got the feeling he thought I was trying to guilt trip him. I'm not a manipulative person who would guilt trip him because he wants to see a beloved relative. I want to talk to him now and sort out these feelings before I go to bed. Whenever I feel hurt or annoyed I shut down with him and think it over, always convinced I might be feeling irrationally. I do that because I think he will think I'm feeling irrationally. He hates when I do that and I said I would try not to if he would let me know it's okay to say how I feel. Him, just now, saying I'm not allowed to feel a certain way negates that. Yeah, I need to resolve this now, I'm being nagged by this irritating feeling. Bah... I love him so much but sometimes we have a failure to communicate. Thank You - 2006, June 7
|
|||