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| Travel Companion 2005, March 20 - 10:46 p.m.
Vancouver is coming up soon. My brother isn't backing out, though he making many efforts to be as unenthused as possible. I couldn't ask for a more frustrating sibling. Well, I could, but I have my hands full with the one I have. Evidently OCAS doesn't have his transcripts and he's been putting off getting them and mailing them out. I hate worrying and fussing about him. But he's my brother so what can I do? A thought came to me today, a sad thought. If I go to Paris someday, I won't want it to be with Ross. I don't want to go to such an important, wonderful place for the first time with someone who's already experienced it. I've always dreamed of going and when I get there I don't want it to be with someone who would say, "I remember that," "I went there," or "When I was here..." I would want to have a fresh experience. I don't even like going out to a movie with someone who's already seen it. It makes me sad that if I go to Paris, my first trip won't be with him or it will be tainted by him already having been there, done that. And it worried me... the more places he goes, the more places I can't share with him, at least not on equal footing. There are places he's been to that I don't care so much about, that are very cool but don't mean so much to me, like Amsterdam. In such a case, his experience there wouldn't be a detriment, were we to travel together. I don't know, it sounds bizarre in a way, but I feel like something we could have had together has been taken away. All this is a lingering additional reason I didn't want him to go to Vancouver with me. He's been there. I didn't want to go and have him point stuff out from his trip or relate things about his trip or try and see things he didn't get to see or do on his trip. I wanted it to be my trip. I wanted to experience everything without regards to what's already been seen or done by him. I didn't want it to be his re-visit with me there. That is the problem with going somewhere special that your travelling companion has already been. I only hope he doesn't add any more places that are really important to me to the list of places he's gone. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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