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| Loved 2005, March 23 - 9:21 a.m.
Ross and I had a really good talk about what I last wrote. It was a very emotional conversation but a very good one. By the time we finished, my stomach ache was gone, I felt better and I knew I would be able to sleep. We addressed the long distance very openly and I told him that I needed some timeline, some time that I could expect the distance to end, otherwise it was going to be too hard for me to handle it any longer. I didn't threaten to end the relationship otherwise, or anything like that. Despite my lack of happiness over the distance, I am nowhere near that point. I didn't want a date, but an idea. The summer? the fall? He gave me a much better answer than I had hoped for. He said June, at the end of June. Whether it will be able to happen by than is questionable but at the very least, by then a process will have at least started to have him come clsoer to me. I was worried that he felt bad about leaving Ottawa and I wanted to know if he regretted it. He said it was unfortunate that it wasn't working out but that was all. I can't even say how loved I felt at the end of this conversation. I felt like a priority. I felt important to him. I felt like I really mattered. He often makes me feel that way, but I was so amazed by his willingness to do this for me. Although he was having some troubles with distance too, he was willing to stick it out in Ottawa for a year. After hearing how much it wasn't working for me he changed his plans. He mentioned wanting to live with me. Not right now, but clearly mentioned it as his plan in our future. We've never mentioned stuff like this before and it felt really good to hear. It was something I had figured he wanted someday but, you know, actually hearing it was not only special, it was comforting. It's comforting to know that you and the person you love are on the same page and want the same things. The difference in me now is remarkable. I've researched kung fu too. I think I've found a good place, I just need to observe a class to see if I think it's for me. Things are changing and moving and becoming better. I feel good knowing I took action to make myself feel happier. Ross came over last night and we had this huge spark going all night, mostly I think because we really missed each other. He has something planned for us for April 2-4. I have no idea what it is. He says we're going somewhere. Where this somewhere is, I don't know. I've been aware of this plan for some time now and as the dates grow closer I am getting mroe curious. He's very pleased with himself. He loves making me curious and surprising me. But I will have to wait to find out what it is because he sure as heck isn't spilling the beans. Jamie is coming tonight. He's taking the bus and will be in Toronto around 8:00. I'm kind of excited about this. Anything to get him out of K-town and in to the world is a good thing. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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