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| The substance of Christ is inside him. 2005, March 29 - 9:06 a.m.
I got back from Vancouver last night. The whole trip was utterly fantastic. I went up a couple mountains, went through a rainforest, Went shopping and bought a really fantasic baby blue coat, was completely spoiled by my aunt Debbie at her spa and had a totally awesome visit. There was one thing though... my beloved cousin Shaun has become a born again Christian. Seriously, this is really upsetting. He used to be a drug addict, and that is when they got him. It seems kind and innocent enough, you know? Take the drug addict and get him to quit drugs. That part I liked. The part I didn't like was his now single-minded attitude about God, Jesus, and church. He was now of the mind that everyone needed to be healed. I had to go to Sunday "Resurrection Mass" and my flight reflex had to be held in check more than once. The christian rock songs involved people waving their hands and swaying to the music, people randomly shouting AMEN! to what the preacher was saying and a general consesus that Jesus Christ was the only way. Now, my own personal belief structure took strong issue with that. I didn't want to be there because it goes against every part of my faith that I hold dear. I don't believe in one way and listening to a crowd go crazy about their way being THE WAY is very hard to hear. I just think people should do what makes them happy and leave other people to do the same. The problem I have with born-agains is that they leave out the latter part of that. They think that everyone else needs to be "saved" and be healed. If they can find God in this method of worship, then hunky dorey, but please leave me be. However, I noticed that while Shaun was serene and calm, he was no longer Shaun. He only cared about the church and only talked about the church. Swearing in front of him was no longer comfortable. I couldn't say, "oh my god," without feeling him go tense. I could no longer be me around him because who I am, and largely my own personal spirituality, was no longer acceptable. He prayed before every meal, pleading with God for him to show us all our paths. Shaun was gone. They took him while he was mentally feeble from drugs and they filled him with this stuff. I could see the fear based tactics they were using: "When you face God after you die and he asks you, 'what did you do with my son's sacrifice?' what are you going to say?" In that hour I felt more brainwashing techniques than in my entire education in Catholism. Seriously. And I was taught catholism from the most impressionable age there is, yet this hour in comparison was no contest. I have not been a fan of organized religion for some time but I can very clearly see, now more than ever, the difference between religion being an aspect of life and religion being a way of life. In the four days Jamie and I were in Vancouver, Shaun went to church more than five times. He wouldn't eat Easter dinenr with us because he had to get back to the church at 4:30. We came thousands of miles across the country to spend this holiday with all of them and yet he couldn't delay church an hour to eat with us. There is a strong imbalance and a lack of awareness of anything other than Church. And I couldn't participate in any way during that mass. I wouldn't even shake Jamie's hand when he and everyone was told to do so by the preacher. I just couldn't. And Jamie took a personal offense to it, though it had nothing to do with him. But he couldn't understand that. I saw him raise his hands in the air to "accept Christ" during the mass and I felt a stab of fear. Losing my cousin was one thing... And when I was finally back in Toronto and with people I loved and trusted it just came out. And I cried for Shaun. And I cried for me losing Shaun. God, I hope someday he'll come back and we can talk about anything again and he can find a way to exist without resorting to an extreme. Because though this isn't a drug problem, is it symtomatic of being an addict. He's just replaced the substance. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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