 |
||
| Long Road Ahead 2005, May 3 - 5:30 p.m.
So, Ross leaves on Thursday. That's two days from now. I'm seeing him on his last night in Canada and then he's gone for two weeks. I'm trying to plan some things for myself in his absence. I've gotten a small start on tai chi and so that will be good. I'm going to K-town this weekend for my dad's birthday, I'm seeing a movie with caitlin, getting a massage, having a facial, having dinner with Steph and hopefully planning a Wonderland trip with her and some other girls from art fundamentals, and we'll see what else. All this stuff will add up. I want to have things to do to keep my mind off my boyfriend being in Paris sans me. It's not like there is any way I could have gone, which sucks. I hate not having the kind of choice I had when I was unemployed. But then, life is not fair. Stupid mantra from parents growing up that is all too true. And it sucks knowing that I'm going to miss him more than he misses me. There is no way he will miss me as much if he's having fun in Paris and Amsterdam and I'm at home going through my regular routine with nothing different except that I will not have him. He got an apartment in Toronto today though and it's a nice one. He'll be living alone... the whole idea kind of got dropped. It didn't really get discussed any further. I'm relieved because I won't have to deal with the no feeling but I felt very bad about feeling so negative about the whole thing. But, it wasn't a long time plan that I ruined, it was a sudden thought that didn't come to fruit. Hrmmm... I'm going to have a long two weeks ahead of me. Last time Ross went to Europe I got very quick, very short e-mails. He had a variety of reasons for that: his friend was waiting for him and the booths, or whichever, were hard for him to use. Valid reasons, but it is very demoralizing to write so much and make such an effort to communicate and not have it matched. I need to talk to him on a daily basis. If all I get is a few sentences in an e-mail then that doesn't really do it for me and it makes missing him worse. I don't think I have it in me to do that again. I'll write to him as much as I get written to. At least that is my current plan. If it doesn't work for me I'll think of something else. And of course I am thinking about his next big trip. How often is he going to travel? How many times am I going to have to miss him for long periods of time? If I was able to do it too, maybe it make me feel better, like it was evened out. He doesn't really understand how hard this will be on me. I kinda wish he did. Thank You - 2006, June 7
|
|||