Oy... My boyfriend is a wonderful man who doesn't seem to really understand what it means to be in a relationship.

He made plans with a friend that I would have loved to have been a part of, only I was specifically not allowed to come. These plans for for last night, Friday. We spend those nights together and I had no idea this week was any different until I called him from work yesterday. I was blindsighted and had no time to make my own plans and was left alone for the night.

Needless to say I was pertty pissed off. I was upset that his stance was, "There's nothing I can do," because that's bull. He could have invited me along for a couple hours and I could have gone home. He could have met both our needs but instead of compromising his friend's needs, he compromised mine more and hurt me. I was really unimpressed with being excluded like that.

Other friends and people got to be there but I was the one who wasn't and it felt horrible. He didn't seem to get it. His stance was that friends can make plans witout including other people.

For one, I am not other people, I'm his significant other. Secondly, I was led to believe we had plans together that night. Thirdly, being explicitly excluded is not fun and it's very hurtful.

Sometimes I get the impression he thinks if he makes a decision for himself that should be the end of it. If it's going to affect me, I need to know, I deserve to be talked to about it. That's what makes a relationship complex, you have to always have the feelings and needs of another person in your mind all the time. That is the cost of intimacy. When you are that intimate with someone your needs and feelings are intertwined and you need to be aware to it and sensitive towards it and respectful about it.

I don't do these things to him. When I choose to do something for me that I know will affect him, I talk to him about it first. He needs to do that too. He has little to no relationship experience before me so it's time to learn.

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