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| Colon Me This, Batman 2005, July 13 - 9:11 p.m.
Okay, so I had my colonoscopy... and what an experience. The fasting part really sucked; I kept getting massive cravings for pasta and cold sweets. But the really upsetting part was the flushing process. I had to drink four litres of a laxative concoction that tasted really nasty. Granted I only got through 2.5 litres and finished it at 11:00 instead of 9:00, which would have happened had I followed the instructions properly. I almost literally sat on the toilet for hours, scared by the noises I was making and the general abnormal activity going on beneath me. The second I had an urge to go to the bathroom, I had to haul ass there immediately, no fooling around. Ross went out and got me a large straw, which helped me get some more of the laxative down. It truly was vile. I had resorted to doing shots by the end of it. Shots of laxative. I'm such a party animal. Now, as for the colonoscopy itself, Ross got me there on time and we were just in time to wait forever. Oh god, it was very stressful. As I was lying down on the bed facing the screen where my insides would be on view (I've always wanted to be on TV. Ha!) I began to shake a bit and cry. I am such a weiner. The IV went in and the meds came inside me and while it did nothing for the torment in my brain, I'll admit I felt very little of the whole procedure other than pressure. I still cried though. I have no idea how long it took because I think I may have come in and out of it, crying mind you, and I know I only saw a bit of the inside of my colon. We are so weird inside. Between my ultrasounds and this colonoscopy, I really have quite a sense of what's inside me. It's really odd. I have no recollection of getting back to the recovery room. I was in a row of beds of other poor bastards (All older than myself by a good deal) sleeping off their procedures. I have no idea how long I had been lying there, other than they started the colonoscopy at 11:30 and it was 12:30 when I woke up. Ross took me out for lunch and I had fettucine alfredo with chicken, which I had been craving like mad. The best part of the whole thing was when they told me I was fine and I didn't have to come back. Thank You - 2006, June 7
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